Everything listed under: fitness

A dear friend and fellow yogi, Ben McLellan recently posted this comment on his Facebook page: This is astonishing to me.....we will take a drug that may cause internal bleeding, stroke, heart attack, and possibly death to sleep better. We won't practice yoga, chi gong, or tai chi because we don't have time, it's too expensive, or it's weird. Dumb is an understatement.
I share these sentiments and have become increasingly frustrated with the excuses people give that prevent them from embarking on a routine that will lead to greater health, healing and ultimately, happiness. Despite my sincerest efforts to be patient and accept that everyone is on their own unique path, so often I have the desire to call out “Bullshit!” in the middle of a sentence. Not exactly polite, I know.  
I think what pisses me off most is the lack of personal responsibility. (I'm obviously pretty fired up on this topic lately. Just ask some of my poor friends who have to listen to me.) If I had a quarter for the number of times I have heard the words “CAN’T” and “DON’T”, I wouldn't be writing my own blogs anymore (Just kidding! I'll always write my own stuff. Promise. )
“I CAN’T meditate. I CAN’T turn off my brain”. To which I’ll retort, “Who the fuck can?”
Or “I DON’T have the time.” Oh please. I know how much time I spend on Facebook. And I still manage to do a meditation practice.
Or my favorite “I CAN’T do yoga. I’m not flexible.”
AGHHHHH. Please. Just. Stop.
Be honest. With me. With yourself. We all have nothing but time. It’s up to you how you spend it. And where you spend it. I am FINE if you don’t WANT to do yoga, Tai Chi, meditate, lift weights or eat broccoli. That is your prerogative.
ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, it is challenging to make these practices a habit. They require more effort, more work and more discipline. However, they also ultimately make you a healthier, happier, more productive, balanced and evolved human being. Ask the thousands of people who do such things. But please, stop with the excuses. You have choices. Take responsibility for those you continue to make, and realize you’re life is what it is today because of them. As Jean Paul Sarte so simply states: “You are your choices.”
Choose wisely. And stop telling me you ‘can’t’.

For a list of some of the most hysterical excuses some of my trainer friends have gotten, please read this. If you recognize yourself, you’ve been publically outed! http://espn.go.com/espnw/athletes-life/9104429/espnwtrainers-share-worst-excuses-national-athletic-training-month

While I haven’t taken many yoga classes in the past year, preferring to stay at home to cultivate a personal practice, I recently have returned to the group setting in my new hometown to get to know the community. Classes are the first place I’ll go to meet like-minded people when I land on unfamiliar territory. But it reminds me of why I often stay home.
The routine is the same. I begin by checking out some studios online and then look for instructors I think I may enjoy based on class descriptions and bios. Words such as ‘uplifting’, ‘intelligent flow,’ and ‘leaving students feeling centered and blissful’ often make their way into the picture. ‘All levels welcome’ is one I tend to see a lot as well.
However, what I typically experience is a rote reproduction of a vinyasa class with too many chattarangas for my taste and no clear purpose or aim. It seems like the latest generation of teachers are all reading from the same script. Yes, some have different jokes and others are slightly more entertaining, but rarely have I experienced a true ‘sattvic’ state at the end of the journey. Light. Clear. Steady and balanced.
The intention of this blog is not to blast every teacher I’ve come across nor to criticize every class I’ve taken. Because truth of the matter is there are a lot of good teachers out there.
However, it does seem like we are pumping out yoga teachers like BigMacs. It seems to have become the ‘job du jour’ as more and more people begin to dip their toes in the waters of yoga, creating an ocean of demand. Get laid off? Become a yoga teacher. Looking to balance your 9-5 job? Start teaching yoga on the side. Bored? Eh, may as well sign up for a 200 hour RYT.
And just like fast food, quality declines as mass production increases.
I’m all for learning the traditions, the ancient teachings, the intricate, detailed and sacred practices of an entire yoga system to help more people find joy and happiness in their lives. However, it seems like little more is being taught than where to put your foot in Warrior I and how to perform Ujjayi, if that. 
There are a couple of oft-repeated directions I hear to which I say “Huh?” Here are some my favorites.

1. “Lift your head/chin” or its stepsister “Look up”. I don’t have an issue with taking your gaze to the hands or in the ‘upward direction.’ However, most students interpret this into cranking their head back until their chin is in the vertical position, slightly resembling the unnatural range of motion of a Muppet. Unfortunately, this does not improve your backbend or get you any closer to divine spirit.
2. “Today we’re going to focus on ‘heart openers’”. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no amount of arching your back or pushing your ribcage out while scrunching your shoulders into your ears is going to help you feel ‘more love.’ Backbends, when practiced properly are wonderful to move energy in an upward direction, however, it is through thoughtful application of the breath that we begin to see shifts in our actual mind and emotional states. The best way to ‘open your heart’? Meditation and surrender. Take your practice off the mat and into your daily life. 
3. I’ve witnessed many teachers tell students their breath should sound like ‘Darth Vader’ or ‘be audible to your fellow yogis’. Ummmmm, no thank you. I for one don’t want to hear your Star Wars like breathing. From "Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings" “To regulate the breath during the practice of asanas, the technique of ujjayi breathing is important. In ujjayi breathing you constrict your vocal cords slightly as you breathe so that you can feel the air as it flows past. A slight hissing sound often results—the more you constrict your throat and force your breath, the louder the sound. Conversely, the more finely you control your breath, the softer the sound. The goal is not to create a lot of sound but rather less sound. With practice and greater control, you should be able to breathe slowly and very smoothly. Then the sound will diminish and you can direct your attention to a more subtle indicator: the internal sensation of your breath flowing. Krishnamacharya used to give the standard instruction, ‘Feel rubbing sensation in throat.’” (PS: Thanks for posting this Ben! A perfect quote to support my point.)
4. “Take a deep inhale in . . . and now SIIIIGGGHHHH out the mouth.” I’ll admit, this used to be me. I would love to make indescribable sounds during class and feel as if it was some huge release. Now, the symphonic collection of “ohhhhhhsssss” and “aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhs” drives me nuts. The concept of releasing all that energy seems counterintuitive to one of the primary goals of yoga, at least in the Tantric tradition: to contain and concentrate prana (energy) and direct it for a desired energetic effect. I understand the aim is to encourage students to release and ‘let go’, but there are so many other intelligent techniques a teacher can utilize to achieve this end. Let’s start using them.

Conversely, much of my frustration comes from what teachers AREN’T teaching in their classes. Here are just a few:

1. How to breathe. Yes, often instructors will speak of the importance of the breath at the onset of class but never revisit the concept as students gasp, grunt and “Aggghh” in their attempts to get their leg higher or their face to their knees.  I hate to repeat what's been said so many times, but without the breath, it's not yoga. It's a stretch class. 
2. Often, when I read teachers’ bios, everyone seems to have studied with world renowned teachers and highly respected gurus. Yet, why are they not teaching to what I assume they’ve learned . . . The subtle body, the energetic body? Why aren't we giving students the space and time to sit in stillness after asanas (and not just savasana) to tune into the presence and feeling of energy shifts? And consequently, the results that ensue from a very predetermined, directed sequence of asanas? How the poses influence not only our body, but our minds and emotions. If we continue to gloss over this just because our students want a hot body, we are doing them a great disservice.
3. What I’ve been experiencing lately is a lack of clear direction or aim in classes. I recently attended one where the instructor said, with genuine surprise, “Wow. It seems like this is turning into a backbend practice!” Needless to say I raise an eyebrow (or two since I am not that skilled in the unibrow lift) when there is a lack of clear purpose for a class. You are taking students on a journey. Know the destination.
4. Meditation. Lest we forget the ultimate destination of our practice. To prepare us for meditation. So that we may sit, comfortably, our spine a clear channel of energy. If our teachers are not bringing us to a place of more ease, freedom and joy in our day to day lives, it seems that our efforts are not nearly as effective as they can and should be.

I hear words my teacher has reiterated over and over on a daily basis: “If it’s not changing your life, it’s not yoga.” Yoga is a powerful tool. Let’s start treating it as such.

This blog was inspired by a student I had in class the other day who said to me, as I was adjusting her in a pose: “I do better with Vinyasa, not these long holds.” (I took the liberty to paraphrase a bit, but you get the idea.) That’s code for: I don’t like this because I’m not comfortable here. She opened Pandora’s box. The same sentiment seemed to be present itself EVERYWHERE. In my other classes, watching people on the subway, walking down the street. It was all around. How do we avoid discomfort? How can I get away with doing this exercise/job/LIFE with as little aches and uneasiness as possible?

I bore witness to this phenomenon again in my Barre Burn class later that evening. It was clear to me these ladies (Ahem gentlemen . . . if you ever go to the gym to meet women, you’re in the wrong class!) had gotten accustomed to going through the motions. Showing up, knowing what to expect and getting by with the least amount of effort possible. Clearly, there was discomfort (as signaled by the contorted facial expressions and piercing glances in my direction). Moving through movements slowly, activating your muscles rather than relying on momentum will do that to you. (Which, I will argue, is why the women in my earlier yoga class does much better with ‘Vinyasa’). I somewhat attribute this to the role of teachers more and more often not TEACHING but directing. But that’s a whole other blog.

It’s important here to make distinguish between pain and discomfort. Was I in pain when my teacher first took me in and out of chair pose what seemed like 50 times? No. I didn’t require an ambulance or paramedic. But you can bet your ass it was uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. I wanted to scream all sorts of expletives at him and shout “I hate you I hate you I hate you! Are you crazy!?!?” No. He wasn’t. I was simply going through something I had not experienced before. That would be fire. In my back, in my thighs, everywhere. I would later come to understand this sensation, this burning intense heat, as the fire of transformation. And it’s necessary for change. Whether you are looking to merely change your body or your looking to change your life. FIRE is necessary. It is the element of change. How do you change the inherent properties of matter? Water won’t do it. Neither will wind. Fire does. And I’m not referring to the comfy cozy heat you experience from a fireplace in the middle of winter with a cup of hot cocoa. Typically, I envision more of a devil (although I don't believe in the actual existence of one, just to be clear), too much Icy Hot down your pants, kind of heat.

Why do you think meditation is so difficult for people? Most of us are used to being pulled along by the current, from dawn til dusk and long after, kept awake by the buzz of televisions, iPhones, video games, etc. We do everything to distract ourselves from feeling any sort of discomfort whether it be physical, emotional or mental. I’ve often stepped in to teach a ‘Vinyasa’ class and directed students to stand, close their eyes and simply feel the effects of whatever pose asana, flow, etc. we just completed. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fidgeting. People are looking around the room, playing with their nails. . . . I’ve even seen people pick up their phones during this moment of rest. If you can’t sit still, close your eyes, look inside, and FEEL for 15 seconds, I’m telling you. There’s a problem.

Which is why, in my opinion many of these popular ‘Vinyasa’ are actually directing students further away from one of the main goals of yoga --- change. I don’t want to make a sweeping statement that all Vinyasa classes are this way. I’ve been to some wonderful ones that are very mindful. But many can be just as distracting as the buzz of the phone or the mind numbing frivolity of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (Although, I will admit, I’ve succumbed to more than one episode of mind numbing.)

Don’t get me wrong . . . there are definitely circumstances when what feels good and easy is SO right. A massage. A good pedicure. A restorative yoga class. Sun on your face. A margarita. (That is purely circumstantial actually, but often times, it's both so good and so right! ) But as we well know, often times, we slip into what feels good because it’s easier than facing what may be a huge challenge and bring us to a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE place.

Anything worth attaining, whether it be a tight tush or spiritual enlightenment, requires change. And change is again, typically, not comfortable. In fact, it may involve a whole lot of heat. But, as alchemy teaches, what’s on the other side of that heat could be liquid gold.

For years I’ve feared asking for what I want or speaking up for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or offending someone. Never is this more true than when I am receiving a haircut, massage, mani/pedi, etc. Too many times I’ve left a massage feeling like I needed a massage. Or silently nodding left speechless with wide eyes when asked “Do you like it?”, walking out of a salon looking like Dorothy Hamil.
Lately, there’s been a shift. I’d like to think it’s a result of a more dedicated yoga and meditation practice over the past year that has helped me cultivate more confidence and a stronger sense of self. I don’t seem to take things so personally, and conversely, I speak my mind when I have something to say. This may not seem like a huge deal. Many people have NO PROBLEM speaking their mind. But I’d venture to bet there are quite a few of us, even as mature adults, who do. We don’t want to rock the boat. We want people to like us. We fear we’ll be considered ‘bitches’. And our fears override our desire to leave with a fantastic haircut.
Recently, my brother sent me an email criticizing a comment I had made on Twitter. Five years ago (hell, who am I kidding? ONE year ago, probably) his words would have sent me reeling, old hurts rearing their ugly head. The 10-year old scolded little sister would assert herself and the tears would flow. And his words would have echoed in my head for days if not weeks. While I initially felt a slight sting, I closed my eyes for a moment, then re-opened them to read the email with clear eyes as opposed to the eyes of that “little sister.” And I understand why he sent it. It had nothing to do with me. I responded, but didn’t react, asserting my position. The only apology I made was for the way it made him feel.
The other day, I popped into an unknown nail salon for a manicure. When the gentleman began to hack away at my cuticles, I politely asked him to not cut so much. But he continued to trim them to a point I considered excessive. So I repeated my request. As you ladies may know, sometimes meaning gets lost in translation at nail salons. (I’m glad they don’t speak to each other in English. No doubt their comments would ensure I’d never go back.) Three time’s a charm apparently, and another nail technician replaced him. And I was fine with that. I’m sure he was a very nice man. But I left there with my nails perfectly painted and just as I wanted them.
Again, this may not seem like a huge milestone. But for me, it was a hurdle I haven’t been able to clear. Normally, I would have left the place with bloody cuticles.
And, feeling the effects of one too many hair whips in dance class, I decided to go to one of the Thai massage joints that litter Ventura Boulevard. Normally, I am very particular about who I go to for body treatments, however, I needed relief, stat. And I knew some of these Thai ladies are no joke. Unfortunately, my therapist was not one of them. For 15 minutes, I was more uncomfortable then when I first lay down. I played it out in my head . . . “Give her another 10 minutes. Maybe she’s just warming up. It could get better.” And “I can’t say anything, I’m already 15 minutes in.” Then I realized - if I go through with the massage, I can’t refuse to pay for dissatisfaction if I didn’t speak up. And then I’d be pissed for throwing money down the drain, feeling no relief and more agitated than when I arrived. At that instant, I stopped her and politely said, “I’m sorry. I think I need someone stronger.”
And in came Nami. Hallelujah. This woman squeezed and kneaded every part of my body that screamed for relief. I could relax and enjoy. I left feeling happily exhausted and appropriately beaten.
Mind you, speaking my mind still doesn’t come easily. I often have to stop myself and ask if by failing to express what I’m thinking, what or who am I really saving? Someone’s feelings? My happiness? My truth? But by taking pause, and asking myself these questions, no matter what the answer, I find I’m more authentic in every moment.

Good Thai massage? $50. Speaking my mind? Priceless.

so often you hear me talk about how to be kind to yourself. how to take care of yourself. treat yourself. be a good friend to you. mostly because it's something i don't often do and telling you so reminds me to practice what i preach. however, every once and a while, a true friend will give you a swift kick in the ass when you need it. a jump start. a tough love talk. and it's about time i be that kind of friend to myself.
admittedly, i've been, mentally, hard on myself lately. my body is just NOT where it was a year ago and i'm kind of at a loss. i hate that i'm so caught up on it, but i am. there. it's out there. i am trying to get older with grace and acceptance. (WHAT?!??!!! you mean i'm NOT 30 anymore? since WHEN?!?!? Hmph.) but as you have heard me talk about so many times, it's my achilles heel. more often than not, i get caught up in the physical. and quite frankly i'm sick of it. the way i see it, i have two options. one, learn to let it go and see the truth of my beauty and love beyond this body. luckily through yoga, mediation and all i'm learning with my teacher, it really IS becoming clearer that i am so much more than my physical body. thank goodness. but this takes time. and i am definitely more of an 'i want it now' kind of woman. so i've resorted to the things i can affect immediately. discipline myself. i used to be so good at this. too good. then i realized i was definitely too hard on myself, so i eased up.
between you and me, i now feel like a slacker. i've been unmotivated to do much and there is SO much i COULD be doing. my business could/should be thriving. i've been wanting to do more online videos, etc. but you know what's been stopping me? i don't feel like i LOOK good enough to be on camera right now. i'm trying to call myself out on this bullshit. i'm strong. i'm fit. i'm HUMAN for crying out loud, and i'm NOT nor will i ever be Giselle. but it is this constant hang up that holds me back. and i can't wait any longer to get over this crap. again, i will eventually, but it's taking too long. on to option 2: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
so when i say i'm going to clean up my eating and try to get down to the heart of this continuous 'bloat' i seem to be wearing, then having some of Magnolia's famous banana pudding before i hit the cardio machines doesn't cut it. i don't care if it was just two bites. (by the way if you've never had it, it truly is life changing. definitely makes my 'last meal' list. and i don't even really like banana pudding) have some will power girl!!!! because every little 'indiscretion' sets me back to square one. and that will continue to happen until nothing happens. zip. zilch. i've said this before too (or something like it) : change is effort. and of course my favorite, the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. yes, i have changed a lot in the past year to help me move in the direction i want. but it's not enough anymore. i need to put a little more UMPH behind it. i let go of my disbelief that i have to do cardio for thirty minutes today and i let my friend and A list trainer, Jeff Halevy, create a workout for me. did i bitch about it? absolutely. i have to admit . . . i even GRUNTED. and i HATE when dudes do that in the gym. he had me on a circuit for 40 minutes. i'm sure he chuckled as i spat out curses his way. i did things i normally never touch . . . kettle bells (still don't love em), push ups (blech), and ropes (just never had the space). but can i tell you how GREAT i feel now? how accomplished? with Jeff's help, i pushed myself out of my comfort zone. and while the workout was great, really, THAT is what it's all about. i came home, and me, the procrastinator of all blogging, sat down and spat this out. i got shit done that i've been postponing for weeks/days/probably months. in addition, i felt my voice more powerful. i emailed a guy i've been seeing and told him exactly what was on my mind instead of trying to be nice and skirt around the issue. one workout and i'm a new person! i had a nice clean post workout smoothie. (plus 3 small squares of dark chocolate! i deserve it. see, i haven't totally gone off the deep end.) and i'm determined to keep mixing things up. and surprising myself. that, along with a healthy dose of (kind) discipline and i believe things will start changing around here. goodbye same old same old. hello shiny new happy, gosh darnit. if the kettlebells don't kill me first.

You all know the saying. Usually associated with the power to overcome any obstacle and difficulty with force and strength. However, I have come to understand a completely different application of this often used phrase.
Over Memorial Day weekend I sustained a traumatic knee injury that left me, for the most part, immobile. I clearly recall the “POP” sound as I led a bootcamp class in Darien, CT at Equinox. More clearly than the sudden sound, I recall my subsequent thought. It went something like this: “Oh Shit.” I knew it was more than just a moment of temporary discomfort and something was wrong. As in, I was going to need surgery wrong. Although I prayed that an ice pack or two would magically restore my knee to good as new and had visions of walking and skipping along soon, I knew in my heart I was in for a long road of recovery. However, my ‘finish what you started at all costs” and tough, “I can handle anything” girl/athlete emerged as I continued to teach and finish out the class. Foolish? Perhaps. But it was a way to ignore not so much the physical hurt, but the emotional hurt. The sadness and frustration I knew would set in all too soon.
Yet, I had things to do, places to be and work to accomplish. I couldn’t let this ‘small injury’ completely sideline me. When I returned to the city later that day, ice pack strapped to my knee, I hobbled through Grand Central to continue home. What would typically be a 5-7 minute walk, turned into a 20 minute adventure. Push through, I told myself. In the words of a famous shoe company, “Just Do It.” It’s not that bad.  
That evening I kept moving, packing my suitcase for a flight out to LA the next morning. While I normally love to travel back to LA, this was one trip that did not excite me. I couldn’t believe I would have to gather not only my physical stuff, but once again, my mental stuff to push on. But push on I did. I just had to get through.
I continued to do a lot of ‘pushing on’ that week, making sure I got the medical attention I needed and completed what I set out to do with discomfort. I cut my trip short to return to NYC and again, do what needed to be done. For over a week, I’ve been hobbling around, making doctor’s appointments and jumping through all the necessary hoops to get this thing “taken care of”.
The whole incident brings to mind a small phrase I’ve heard my teacher Rod Stryker say during one of our meditations. I’ve had it memorized for about a month now “ . . . the indomitable will to do and to become . . .” The knowledge that I have the power to change whatever circumstance I’m in or whatever struggle I encounter is a huge motivator. However, now I had to use my indomitable will to actually DO LESS. I would now need to use my will and drive in a different way than what was normal for me. I would have to literally WILL myself to ask for help.
And ask I did. Checking my ego along with my bag, I requested a wheel chair at the airport. I felt like my grandmother, bag on my lap, leg propped up on one of those thing-a-ma-giggys that pops out from underneath the chair. (Is there a technical term for that? Footrest maybe?) By the way, if you are late to your flight and need to get to your gate ASAP, do a little hopping around and tell ‘em you need a wheelchair! You’ll fly on through! Of course, you’ll have to weigh the pros (the speed with which you’ll get through security) against the cons (a bruised ego), but that’s your call. I much rather sprint to my gate. Great cardio and no one looks at you funny, which made me truly uncomfortable. I could FEEL peoples’ stares of pity and empathy. Why that makes me uncomfortable is a topic for another blog all together.
I’ve asked my dear friend Joe Somodi to help me after my surgery (FINALLY scheduled for tomorrow!) to pick me up at the hospital and help care for me over the weekend. It made me so uncomfortable, but, God bless him, he graciously agreed without making it seem I was putting him out or that it would be a huge inconvenience (which I’m sure it is.)
These are just two of the many examples where I’ve piped up for assistance. However, SEVERAL friends, and even strangers, have just ‘shown up’. To Sheri, Karen, Sohpia, Bart and the entire crew at Dragonfly Productions, and those whose names I don’t even know – I can’t express enough gratitude. I am touched by your kindness and care. While I’m at it, to those who have expressed empathy and just sent thoughts, well wishes and love, thank you. I have felt every one of them.
But still, my “indomitable will to do and to become” drives me to get better and heal. Not willing to be completely sidelined, I’ve been finding ways to continue to move my body. (As I mentioned to some friends in an email, I would not be undermined by no stinking knee!) I've begun swimming, dragging my left leg behind me and now wondering why it took a traumatic injury to get me in the water again. I am a Pisces after all. It feels natural. It kicks my ass, but feels natural nonetheless! I am exhausted after a ½ hour in the pool and feel as if I could eat a cow on the days I swim (and often do). And I don’t ache at all after a water workout. It's a win-win.
I’ve also found a way to “squeeze in” some more of my yoga practice during my swim sessions. You see, I am a breathe every three strokes kind of gal. The rhythm and staring at the same line below you at the bottom of the pool can be very meditative. Much like meditation, you become aware of and begin to 'hear' all the chatter in the mind. In an effort to silence the chatter, I began adding in a mantra practice, silently reciting a piece of a mantra every time I exhale under water. I come out of the pool virtually levitating!
I’m still doing my asana practice, albeit, VERY VERY modified. But I can manage certain postures. The attention necessary to not do more harm to my body draws me inward even more than usual and I find it a perfect preparation for my morning meditations. On that note, I’ve also put more time into my meditation practice ensuring it is the one thing that continues. I can’t use the excuse that I’m unable to sit cross-legged. I prop my body up against the wall in bed, place a pillow under my legs and again, realize what it means to be truly comfortable and undistracted by physical discomfort during meditation. I need to help myself more often. And the benefits of my practice have become very evident. While the past two weeks and change have been a nuisance and not the most comfortable of my life, I am still able to find peace and ease amidst the turmoil of my body and my thoughts. Sure, I’ve succumbed to breakdowns on more than one occasion (most recently yesterday at the hospital upon being shuffled from doctor to doctor, unbearable waits, and exaggerated prognoses), but I release, and move on. I don’t feel as stuck and I renew my resolve once again.
I actually relate my injury to pregnancy. While admittedly I have never been pregnant, enough of my friends have, and I’ve heard enough stories where women use pregnancy as an excuse to succumb to every craving, eat whatever they want and let their healthy habits go awry. Yes, it would be easy to sit on my couch, cry and watch back to back episodes of The Bachelorette drowning myself in others’ miseries and drama. (Although, I will fess up to watching this show for the sheer comedy of it all!) This was not an option for me. I am grateful to possess “the indomitable will to do and to become”. Whether that is the will to still move, or the will to graciously accept help, receive and be kind to myself.
I’ve realized that I am not superwoman. Even I am susceptible to injury. I may need help from time to time. I may need to put the brakes on. Or I may need to find another way. What has become absolutely clear to me is that all of these take a certain amount of will, in one direction or another. It is the will to become something different than I am.

I felt that it's time to come clean with you. And me. Earlier this year, I made a resolution to be completely honest with myself and others and to be authentic. And while it makes me somewhat uncomfortable to share the following pages from my personal journal, when I look back at the pact I made with myself, it is clear to me that I must. I want to let you know that this journey to health and happiness isn't always so happy. Sometimes it downright sucks. So here is the ugly part. Via my brain dump last night . . . 

I'm mad. Like, really mad. And I don't know if I'm more angry over the fact that I've gained so much weight and my body is changing or the fact that I'm angry for being mad about it. Yes, it is all- well, quite maddening. And I want it to stop. I really really do. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and say, that's it. I'm going on a 'diet' mostly because I've been telling women forever not to live their lives that way--- that everything would be fine if they just lost some weight. And here I am, supposedly this picture of perfect health. Telling myself: "God dammit. Be thinner." Do a cleanse. Get rid of the 'evil' that lives as excess in your body. And if I were my friend right now I'd say, "Jennifer, shut up. You're being ridiculous. You look great. And besides, even if you gained 20 pounds, you'd still be the generous, loving person I love." But for some reason, such text book psychology isn't working on me. No more "little" chocolate chip cookies. No more sweet potato fries. No more ojas drink. No more ghee. I've got to start to find a balance. A balance between living my life and abusing my body. I've got to begin to truly believe that I'm more than my body. That regardless of the business I'm in, it does not define me. Intellectually I know all of this. But I'm struggling. I have, have, have to begin to BELIEVE this in my heart. Or else it's going to be a LONG second half of my life. 

GOOD MORNING! This week you have a chance to win my newest DVD, Flowetry! To enter is simple. Just read this little blog, try the recipe and give it a name. Here's the story:
Last week I had salad on the brain. (Very unusual given the Vata inducing weather here in NYC, but the heart wants what the heart wants!) I had all the goodies I needed, fresh mixed greens, good whole grains (wheatberries to be precise), hearts of palm, and of course, avocado. Then I went to grab one of my favorite dressings, Annie's  Natural Woodstock Dressing (if you've had it, you know why I'm kind of in love). I was looking forward to (lightly) pouring the tangy, zippy concoction on my greens. When mixed with the avocado, it creates a creamy dream. Of course, I had about two drops left. As a resourceful (and lazy) chick (who didn't want to go to the store), I said to myself, "Self. You are creative and the kitchen is your domain. Whip this up yourself."
And that's just what I did. I wanted to share it with you all immediately, I really did. However, I just didn't feel right sharing a recipe I called "Cheesy Tomato Dressing". First of all, it's cheesy. Second of all, how UNCREATIVE. That's terrible. It can't go out into the world like that. Especially when it's inspired by something as sassy as "Woodstock" dressing! It was unacceptable to me.
So I'm reaching out to you, my premier test kitchen! Please click here to download the recipe. Try it, taste it and then give it a name (please, something other than "Cheesy Tomato Dressing") by sending an email here. We'll select a winner at random to win a copy of my new DVD Flowetry and you'll also automatically be signed up for my monthly newsletter with more great recipes (hopefully ones with fun names!) and tips to stay healthy all year long.
Happy salads make happy people! Enjoy and good luck!

Note: This was originally written last week, while I was still traveling in Nicaragua. While I've settled back home, I am keeping this in its original tense. 

After a month of traveling - with the exception of a whopping 48 hours in NYC - I'm read to go home. I usually never say that. I'm usually the one that wants to stay somewhere anywhere other than 'home' (now NYC) and continue traveling. Just the thought of NYC and the cold would, typically, be enough to make me shudder. I never want to go back to the craziness, throwing my already imbalanced 'Vata' more out of balance. But something is different this week. I'm itching to get back and settle down for a while. To stay in one place. A shift has occurred.

I'm ready to stop running around. And start living my life and creating it. That's hard to do when much of your time is spend moving around just getting from one destination to the other. 
Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, have new adventures, see new things and meet new people (See photo. Who wouldn't love this?!?). I don't think that will change and I can't begin to imagine my life without these experiences. This past month alone I have been blessed to begin new friendships that have already supported and filled me up in countless ways (shout out to my ParaYoga peeps and Kate and Bill!)

But this week, I've been embracing change. Which may seem contradictory to everything I've just proclaimed. But it's not. Because, now, I'd prefer to embark on change that is more internally directed than externally. Rather than looking to external circumstances to alter my situation and life, I now understand the true transformational power of changing what counts - ME. I feel I can best accomplish my goals, at least for now, by staying put. Building relationships, creating new habits, patterns, and a whole different life for myself.

Traveling takes time. Heck, I can spend half my day on a subway just getting from here to there in this city, not to mention the time it takes to get to JFK, fly to a foreign country, hop on a bus, get in a car and lord knows what else I've done to chase the 'perfect place'. All of this to and fro diminishes my ability to invest and dedicate my time to the change that really matters and will create the most impact. I have a life and a purpose I need to embrace. I don't want to postpone any longer.

I know there will be challenges ahead. I will have to stay put when I want to run. This will require dedication to grow, learn and expand . . . and to be uncomfortable. It will take effort and, most importantly, patience.
But I feel ready. Ready to let go of the old habits, patterns and, yes, even people that no longer support my purpose and new goals. I've been preparing myself to do that for a few months now, though. I've been surrounding myself with more like minded people who understand my work and will love me unconditionally. It feels good to know that I am attracting more of that in my life. And it makes me want to stay where I am to cultivate and nurture those relationships, habits and actions that will propel me onward to success and wisdom. 
Which for me, is a change. And like the old adage says, the only thing constant, is change. 

Twas a few days before Christmas, sniffling all through the house
No one would come near me, not even a mouse. 
My bags were all packed, presents wrapped with much care
And hopes for warm FL weather when I arrived there.
Yet here I lay nestled all snug in my bed
While visions of flu season danced in my head.  
Oh no I prayed hard, this just can't be. 
Please please, dear Santa, keep the flu FAR from me. 
And in my stuffed head, there began a small clatter, 
The habits that keep me healthy, really do matter!
I sprang out of bed, covers thrown in a flash, 
And into my kitchen to raid my healing stash!
My neti pot filled, and ready to flow, 
Nasal passages clear with one final blow!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, 
Vitamin C, D and probiotics were all here!
My homeopathic remedies always do the trick
With all of this, there's no way I'll get sick. 
More rapid than eagles, the solutions they came, 
I'll add teas with all sorts of herbs to my game.
On ginger, on lemon, on honey, lickety split!
Cinnamon and cumin will always do the trick. 
From the tip of my tongue, through the system it goes
I can feel the energy as it more readily flows!
And Triphala Oil, applied just after bath
You keep my VATA at bay so I stay on my path.  
My humidifier runs all through the night, 
To battle the dry and fight the good fight!
Warm home cooked foods will heal me inside, out 
And soon a huge smile will replace this poor pout. 
For this is the season to be merry and jolly. 
Spread lots of love and dance under the holly. 
And speaking of dance, I have to remember to move.
Just enough to get the juices flowing, to keep me in my groove. 
A walk in the park, by the lake, at the beach
Are good enough to keep health all within reach. 
I'll keep sipping water and the alcohol at bay. 
To ensure I'm not feeling groggy all the next day. 
I'll get plenty of sleep and take rest when I need, 
My body, my temple, is what I will heed. 
I'm back on my feet and ready to go
It's time to enjoy the holiday, and just take it slow. 
So I wish for you just before I take flight, 
LOVE PEACE AND JOY, and to all a GOOD NIGHT!

My phone isn't ringing. The emails aren't pouring in either. I've received minimal response from a number of marketing efforts I've made. I wasn't asked to return to a conference to teach. I'm not crazy busy yet everyone else around me seems to be working and finding the success that somehow, seems to be eluding me. Will I ever work again? I'm worried people are not going to show up to the very first fundraising event I'm organizing for my charity, karmaNICA. I'm not giving my body what I know it needs to feel its best and thus I feel, well, gross. Fat. Ugly. Pick your favorite word. Yes, you may say I'm having a bout with insecurity right now.
And it's been going on for a while.  I recognize it as a legitimate feeling, and probably a result of wrapping up a number of projects that have kept me going non-stop from May until the middle of August. However, in an attempt to not allow it to completely sabotage me, I asked myself this question: Can insecurity actually be a good thing? Can I utilize it to motivate and maybe even inspire me? Looking at my past accomplishments and achievements or reviewing how many friends and fans I have on Facebook wasn't going to cut it. I needed a new tool. 
I've always had this desire, maybe even a NEED to succeed (at least as it's traditionally defined.), which in and of itself is often born out of insecurity. Typically success breeds a positive self image. Others praise us, we are congratulated and probably even feel more loved. Failure leads us to negative thinking, self criticism and contempt. But does this have to be true? 
I thought about what would happen if no one showed up to my event. What would that mean? Well, for starters it would mean a lot less money to help the children of Nicaragua that I treasure so dearly. I would be disappointed and feel I let them down. Since I have no children of my own, these young ones, along with my nephews, are the nearest I get to that pure, unconditional love found in a child. They don't know about your 'failures' or judge you because you are fat, skinny, old, young or are having a bad hair day. They love. It's what they do. And it makes me want to give more. And do all that I can to make this event a 'success'. 
This in turn, pushed me to put aside my pride, and get to work. Follow up emails. Asking for help. Being open with my fears. Exposing my confident facade. I actually told a friend in an email, "I'm really worried no one will show up. Do you think you could rally the troops for me?" 
It also reinforced a concept I know in my head to be true. Your experience is a direct reflection of your own behavior and internal state. Attract what you seek by becoming that very thing. Like attracts like. If I need friends right now, I need to be a friend. 
And, still, the karmaNICA event may not be the 'success' for which I'm hoping. Then what? This thought is forcing me to analyze what it means to be successful. And now, yes. I will look to others for inspiration. Quotes from highly successful people who have seen down times. Reflection upon the times when I have been knocked down but always seem to get back up. And knowing that I'm not the only one feeling these feelings or the first person to face adversity. All of these things remind me that if I feel defeated and deflated, it's temporary. I'll get back up, brush it off, and try again. It's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last. A friend recently told me that she felt as if "Life handed her a big old can of whoop ass." I responded with: "I understand. But know the day will come when you will be the one delivering a big old can of whoop ass to life." Your can of whoop ass is always just around the corner. 
Let's look at the physical feelings I'm having. In one word. YUCK. Things are not flowing. I'm plagued with indecision. I have no idea what to do next. I'm one of those people that is more efficient when I have more to do. I use adrenaline to fuel the tank and bluntly, to get shit done. I can be a machine. Like the energizer bunny. It has been traditionally how I've done it, and it's worked. But I do know it's unsustainable. And not healthy. It's a challenge for me to operate out of 5th gear. Right now, I have to learn a different way. How can I be productive without a list of 30 tasks in my day and how do I operate in a nice and easy 2nd gear? Spirit is asking me to be a little more still and listen. Something is not working. Why? What can I do differently? Do I need to do anything? Can I sit and write? Who says that is not productive? (I'm actually feeling better already!) Typically I feel 'useful' when I'm getting in a workout or working on a project. If I want to stop feeling this way and start feeling worthy no matter what, then I need to do something about it. Learn a different way. Grow my experience. 
This type of insecurity also tests my faith in all I believe in my head and hope to experience in my heart. My faith in the universe and forces greater than myself and this limited human body. That no matter what, I will be taken care of, supported and loved. And it is in these moments when I realize I can only fight this insecurity with MORE faith, not less. 
What I'm learning is that insecurity can drive us to action (or in my case, maybe a little more in-action), alter our perceptions and beliefs, and spark positive growth and change. To be honest and to share our honesty. To act upon the Golden Rule, "Do onto others . . . " And lastly to have faith in all that you are experiencing. The good, the bad, the ugly... and yes. Even the insecure. 

I contemplated this question during a long run in Portland yesterday. Probably the best day of the year there, sunny, dry 85*, perfect. A far cry from the stifling heat and humidity of the east coast, which I left a several days prior. I have this uncanny knack for leaving town just when things get brutal – on either the cold or hot end – to head to much more pleasant climates. And Portland is probably the most pleasant of anywhere in the U.S. right now.
I tried to divert my attention away from the sharp pain that occasionally shoots up the left side of my back, trying to focus on my new running form and staying light on my feet. Less like an elephant, more like a gazelle. Following the breath in and out. Listening to it, getting lost in it, or driven by a particular song on my iPod. Slipping into a meditative, totally connected state.
Eventually nagging thoughts dissipate and other ‘deeper’ thoughts began to take their place.
Thoughts of gratitude to be in this beautiful city. Gratitude that I can even move my body. Gratitude for breathing fresh air. Gratitude for life. Just to name a few.
At some point, the question of my identity popped into my head. Maybe because, recently, I’ve been discussing business plans, goals, etc. with others, trying to map out where I want my career to go and ‘what’s next’. Of course, because who I am and how I live is so intimately connected to what I do for a living, that question inevitably prompts me to question who I am and who I want to be. Everyone wants me to ‘identify’ myself. I understand why. They are only trying to help me and my career.

Here’s what I came up with:
I am a yogi.
I am a spiritual being.
I will NEVER stop being a dancer.
I am a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, an aunt and a niece.
I am a friend.
I am an athlete.
I am a teacher.
I am a student.
I am a natural foods chef and nutritionist.
I am leader.
I am a follower.
I am love.

So I’ll ask you? What would you do with all of these things? How do I wrap this up into a tiny little package for someone?
Yet, I realized, while I am all of these things, I could be none of these things and still be ‘something’.
This realization does not do much to help advance my career but what it does for my peace and happiness is immeasurable.

Ok. This entry was made to go here in April, a month ago. I can’t explain the mental block I’ve had with writing lately, but I am determined to get this to you. So here it is. A month later. Enjoy your workout.

Wow. Has it really been this long since I’ve written a blog here? Why, yes. Yes, it has. Suprising, because I’ve had so much to say lately. Discoveries, revelations, relationships, explorations . . . they’ve all been a part of my many adventures from the past 6 weeks have all from NYC to L.A. to Costa Rica, Panama, Nicaragua, Miami, various other stops in FL and now back to L.A. A few more days here until I finally land back where I began 6 weeks ago in NYC. I’ve missed writing. I’m trying to stay balanced through it all, but my meditations have been sporadic and distracted. Which doesn’t make me happy. On the flip side, seeing my nephews, visiting with some of the best friends a gal can ask for, making many new friends, finding a renewed sense of purpose and working on new, challenging and FUN projects has filled me up to the point where I’ve been moved to tears with gratitude and love. So all’s good. For all of this ‘deep’, insightful stuff I have to share, I’ve felt the need to simply tell you about my kick ass workout the other day. I know I typically post a recipe, but I’m going to skip that to outline this routine. First and foremost because I admittedly have been doing very little cooking lately with my crazy travel schedule (Unless, of course, you count the kick ass margaritas I made last weekend for my sis in law’s birthday, which I’m happy to post as well!) Although I’m not a huge runner, doing just that the past four days or so in the heat of southern Florida helped me sweat, detox, and just feel a little bit like me. And all you need is your sneakers, some open space, such as a park,
So here it is:
20 minute jog/run to park

Find two points you can gauge about 20 feet in distance.
Alternate between:
-- Crab crawls
-- High knees
-- Spider Man walks (on all fours, R hand front as L foot steps front. Switch)
-- Awkward Spider Man (same thing but do same hand and leg!)
Go up and back at least once for each exercise, then repeat they cycle again.

Take a breather and stretch.
Now find a stick.
Jump over the stick with two feet back and forth as quick as you can for 30 sec. Rest 30 sec. Repeat 6x. If it gets too challenging, hop over on one leg. 

Time for lunges. Same leg. Lunge front. Step together. Lunge back. Step together. Repeat 10x.
Hold back in a Crescent Pose and stretch.
Repeat other leg.

Move on to core. Do some boat poses, sit ups. Planks. Try this in plank: Bend your knees toward you chest, slightly tucking your hips underneath you, pulling navel back to spine. Re-extend to plank.
Do that 10x.
OOOO, or this one always gets me. Start in plank. Keeping your core engaged and hips up, drop down to one elbow, then the other. Then one arm at a time return to plank. 
Do that at least 10x. 

Now go on. Scram. Run (or walk) home. And don’t forget to stretch.
If you stretch, I’ll write more. Deal? Oh yeah. And drink lots of water, especially in the heat of the summer!

I recently got REALLY fired up about a post a colleague, friend, and trainer I respect very much, Dale Dymkoski, posted on his blog this week regarding yoga. I tried to write my 'comment' on his page, but because it was so long, it didn't fit. I had lots to say and carefully thought out my retort. To get the full picture, please read Dale's blog and then read below for what I have to say about it. 

I'd like to respectfully, offer a contradictory view, as I have to disagree. This article demonstrates a lack of understanding of what the discipline of yoga is truly about and how to practice it properly. Unfortunately today, many instructors are not teaching as they should or offering proper cuing to ensure students engage their muscles and foster strength in the body. Yoga is not all about being Gumby and forcing yourself into pretzel like positions. Yes, practicing yoga properly may emphasize the elongation of the muscle. But to equate that with ‘loose = weak’ muscles, as you do, is a fallacy. If properly taught, a student can discover both strength and flexibility in any pose. I ALWAYS discuss the concept of ‘strong stretching’ in my classes, whether it’s yoga or sculpting.

I agree that there are many poses most people should NOT be attempting. However, in this case, it's the opposite of the traditional saying, "Don't shoot the messenger". It is ABSOLUTELY a yoga instructor's responsibility to assess every student’s ability, and teach proper alignment and how to build a safe and STRONG practice. I cringe when I see instructors leading poses that, as you mentioned, are unsafe for a 99.5% of their students. Typically, there is a lack of understanding on the student's part of how to effectively practice not only advanced, but even the most basic of poses, which most certainly, can lead to injury and pain.
And again, it is the instructor’s duty to guide a student to more difficult asanas to ensure the student is moving into them safely and effectively, balancing the fine line between ‘discomfort’ and ‘pain’, just as it is the student’s responsibility to heed their own body’s communication.

What causes injury and pain is the practitioner NOT the practice. (As a note, I myself have experienced much relief from joint aches and muscle tears by practicing yoga.) Both the instructor and the student must share equal responsibility for a safe and effective yoga practice. Students should understand the true meaning of yoga and recognize it as a process. Teachers bear the burden of effectively communicating that message and fostering the proper environment in which the practitioner is safe to progress at their own pace and level of understanding.
One must move MINDFULLY in yoga. A practitioner CAN NOT check out and just soar through the class. That is the greatest challenge. To find the mind body connection. We as instructors, trainers and guides, give a lot of lip service to that philosophy, but rarely do we foster it or encourage it. And that’s a shame.

Addressing your point of 'functionality'. No, placing your foot behind your head is not, at first glance, particularly ‘functional’. But just like many exercises, more advanced yoga poses (or asanas) offer a challenge that can be beneficial to the body as well as the mind, similar to any advanced level of physical training. Learning how to use the breath to calm the body and the mind under situations of slight duress is EXTREMELY beneficial in the real world. There is no better preparation for everyday challenges than the yoga mat. If you can manage to stay calm when your hand is under your leg which is over your head in a room that’s 75*, you can certainly handle the stress of bumper to bumper on the 405. I don’t know anything more practical than that.

Unfortunately, our fitness culture, with it's result oriented focus, promoting that harder, faster and MORE is always better, has bastardized what yoga is meant to be. We have lost the joy of the process of getting from A to B, fostering the concept of what many in the yoga community like to call “gym yoga”. After three classes, students are expecting to do handstands and place their legs around their necks. It’s like asking someone who just began jogging to run a marathon tomorrow.

I also strongly feel we would all be better served to adopt a more holistic approach to training and fitness. I for one am so exhausted by the mindset that we only workout for a tight ass and great muscle tone. Exercise should be a complement to life, not another thing to do on our task list. It should enhance what we do and be a source of joy, not struggle.

I am not dismissing cross training or varying one’s fitness routine. I think it is EXTREMELY important, as you mentioned, for a healthy, well rounded approach to exercise. More importantly, including various disciplines into your fitness routine prevents boredom, which can lead to a lifetime practice of health and wellness as opposed to something we do to lose ten pounds.
However, your take on yoga is misguided. Yoga is not a means to a tight ass or extraordinary abs, although, when practiced properly, those ends can certainly be achieved. I agree with you 100% that balance is key. But you will find no better way to achieve a connection between the mind body and spirit than from the timeless and always evolving discipline of yoga.

Ok, ladies. Let's talk about when it's appropriate for a woman to fake it. What I'm about to say may surprise you. NEVER. No, not in the bedroom. Why would we let men believe a mediocre performance is acceptable? It wouldn't be acceptable in the office, so why is it ok in our homes (or elevators, or restrooms, or . . . ?) Why should we PRETEND we're having a pleasurable experience when we're not? We constantly stay silent when things are not satisfactory. I know more than once, I've had a bad massage and haven't said anything while I'm basically getting chafed by someone's hands that are simply rubbing my skin as opposed to soothing my muscles. 
Let me tell you another time it's NOT OK to fake it. With your food. Food is meant to be enjoyed, celebrated and loved. Not feared and hated. I was inspired to write this particular blog when I went to make egg salad at my mother's house this week. I was craving some healthy protein and my mom's kitchen is not exactly what one would consider the mecca of healthy and nutritious food. The closest you could come to something green would be an old piece of romaine lettuce and the lime jello mold that has become notoriously synonymous with Thanksgiving in the Fortunes family. I did find a fresh bunch of celery stalks which was mostly meant for the holiday Bloody Mary's, but I devoured that within a day. 
All right, back to the egg salad. I figured within the rows of processed food that lined my mother's shelves and refrigerator, there MUST be some good old fashioned mayonnaise somewhere. But the only thing I found was a plastic squeeze bottle of some off white gelatenous gloop that was a mere shadow of the good stuff. Reduced fat mayonnaise. Nasty. This shit tastes like nothing real to me. No actual food product. Not eggs, not oil. There was barely an ingredient on there I could pronounce!
You see, my mother, like so many women, have fallen into the trap the food and diet industry has set for us. They've played into our collective 'fat phobia', making us believe that the number across from the 'calorie' and 'fat' listing on the package is more important than the list of ingredients. That we have to PRETEND to eat food that is totally disgusting, for lack of a better word, and made in a lab in order to loose weight. And then PRETEND to like it, too --- in order to achieve the figure the media tells us is beautiful. By the way, 90% of those women in photos and ads you see? They're faking it too. Whether pre photo, with plastic surgery, make up, and other medical wonders, or post photo, with photoshop. 
And I may be going out on a limb here, but I believe you are what you eat. And if you're filling your body with an abundance of "fake food" then you are slowly, from the inside out, becoming a 'fake' version of what you are meant to be. At any size, an example of true, radiant and vibrant health. Not health based on a number on the scale or in your jeans. 
I'm not suggesting you sit down with a jar of mayonnaise and dig in with a spoon. (Although, I have been known to do that with peanut or almond butter!) However, I am suggesting that if you want egg salad, by golly HAVE IT, and make it with the real deal. One tablespoon of full fat mayo goes a LONG way. And more importantly, tastes SO much better than anything less than it. Chances are you'll feel full and your craving will be satisfied. Whereas that low-fat shit in a bottle? All it's going to do, like a bad lover, is leave you unfulfilled, wanting more and craving something that truly makes you feel GOOD. Which is exactly how I felt after my pseudo egg salad. 
By the way, if you're interested, here is what I WOULD have made, had I had the right ingredients! 

Curry Egg Salad
Eggs. One of the most complete nutritious foods on earth, in my opinion. I don’t eat them often, but when I have a protein craving, this is my go to grub. Love this simple recipe.

1. 6 hardboiled eggs, preferably organic/free range
2. 1 red bell peppers finely diced (Orange or yellow is a good option as well)
3. 1-2 tbsp. Mayonnaise or Vegenaise (Although, if your using this for egg salad, it kind of defeats the ‘Vegan’ purpose. I just really like the taste.)
4. 1-2 tbsp. Dijon mustard
5. 1 tsp curry powder
6. 1 tsp cayenne (more if you like it HOT)
7. 1 tsp cumin
8. Salt to taste

Carefully peel hard-boiled eggs and remove shell. I like to use the yolk of 3 to 4 of the eggs and only use the whites of the remaining eggs. (Note: Please don’t be afraid off egg yolks! Unless you are eating 3 eggs a day, or have to watch cholesterol levels due to a heart condition, they are the most nutritious portion of the egg high in essential vitamins and minerals.)
‘Separate’ eggs with hands into large pieces and place in bowl. With a fork, begin mashing the eggs until the pieces are small. I like really fine pieces, so this step may take a few minutes.
Add 2 and stir together.
Blend in 3-7 and keep mashing! Chill for at least an hour and serve.

Something has been on my mind ever since I subbed a yoga class last week here in NYC.  I delivered what I thought was a pretty strong class. I am big on technique and proper alignment and to me, sometimes that is a greater challenge than jamming through a sequence of twists, turns and balances.  It was the second time I had filled in for this particular instructor so I saw many of the same people in class I saw a few days prior.  Many of the students enjoyed my class and let me know. It was very gratifying, as it had been a while since I had taught a yoga class. One of the 'regulars' kind of hung around after until everyone else had left the studio. He said thanks for class, followed by a "I just want to  let you know that this class is used to a more challenging workout. They are really advanced." I nodded and thanked him for the feedback and input.  I wish I could say that I didn't dismiss his comment or consider it trivial.  But I did. Especially given the fact that many of the students, him included, were not as advanced as I think they believed themselves to be. 

And then I realized that I was being somewhat hypocritical and how often I want, and often expect, things to be difficult. This has been a particular challenge of mine. To overcome this idea that nothing comes easy. That anything worth doing must be a struggle of some sort. As if the harder I work, the bigger the reward.  So I work and work and work. And wait for that big reward. And rewards do come, but often they are not directly correlated to the amount of effort I put in. And most often, the biggest rewards can not be measured. 

The worse part is that when something is going right and it's 'easy' so to speak, I question it.  Why?  Yes, life definitely presents us with challenges. There is no denying that. But to question the greatest gifts in life?  That's just crazy. And I do it. 

So, if you often find yourself thinking the same thing I present a challenge (!) to myself and to you: Work when you must, rise to the occasions that call you to action. However, know that often, it is more about the intention and mindfulness we direct toward any desire, task, or job that will truly dictate the outcome.  For whatever you want, whatever you desire, whatever you intend, the Universe will grant to you if you are open to it.  No struggle required.

I am excited to announce my very first OPTIMAL HEALTH AND HEALING retreat will take place in Costa Rica in from August 15th - 22nd in Costa Rica at the beautiful Pura Vida Spa!  Make sure you check out the website above to get all the details. 

While I am thrilled to finally host my very own retreat in one of the most beautiful locations in the country, I must admit, such an undertaking can be a little nerve wrecking.  Getting caught up in the 'what if's?' "What if flights don't go smoothly?" "What if no one signs up?" And the biggest 'What If?' of all:  "What if I fail?" The preparation for something like this is daunting. Almost to the point where I've considered running the other way. 

But then the famous quote "Feel the fear and do it anyway" keeps coming back to me. I had to commit to this. Commit to the dates and moving forward with the planning or else I would always look back and regret I never did something I've always dreamed about. And it's scary. But now that I've written a blog about it and listed it on the website, it's official. I can't back down now, can I?

So check out the details of the retreat and join myself and Dr. Derek Abbassi for a week of sun, fun, relaxation, adventure, fitness, healing and total health.  At the very least, we'll all have a great vacation and hopefully you'll go home happy you came!