livWhole Blog

A dear friend and fellow yogi, Ben McLellan recently posted this comment on his Facebook page: This is astonishing to me.....we will take a drug that may cause internal bleeding, stroke, heart attack, and possibly death to sleep better. We won't practice yoga, chi gong, or tai chi because we don't have time, it's too expensive, or it's weird. Dumb is an understatement.
I share these sentiments and have become increasingly frustrated with the excuses people give that prevent them from embarking on a routine that will lead to greater health, healing and ultimately, happiness. Despite my sincerest efforts to be patient and accept that everyone is on their own unique path, so often I have the desire to call out “Bullshit!” in the middle of a sentence. Not exactly polite, I know.  
I think what pisses me off most is the lack of personal responsibility. (I'm obviously pretty fired up on this topic lately. Just ask some of my poor friends who have to listen to me.) If I had a quarter for the number of times I have heard the words “CAN’T” and “DON’T”, I wouldn't be writing my own blogs anymore (Just kidding! I'll always write my own stuff. Promise. )
“I CAN’T meditate. I CAN’T turn off my brain”. To which I’ll retort, “Who the fuck can?”
Or “I DON’T have the time.” Oh please. I know how much time I spend on Facebook. And I still manage to do a meditation practice.
Or my favorite “I CAN’T do yoga. I’m not flexible.”
AGHHHHH. Please. Just. Stop.
Be honest. With me. With yourself. We all have nothing but time. It’s up to you how you spend it. And where you spend it. I am FINE if you don’t WANT to do yoga, Tai Chi, meditate, lift weights or eat broccoli. That is your prerogative.
ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, it is challenging to make these practices a habit. They require more effort, more work and more discipline. However, they also ultimately make you a healthier, happier, more productive, balanced and evolved human being. Ask the thousands of people who do such things. But please, stop with the excuses. You have choices. Take responsibility for those you continue to make, and realize you’re life is what it is today because of them. As Jean Paul Sarte so simply states: “You are your choices.”
Choose wisely. And stop telling me you ‘can’t’.

For a list of some of the most hysterical excuses some of my trainer friends have gotten, please read this. If you recognize yourself, you’ve been publically outed! http://espn.go.com/espnw/athletes-life/9104429/espnwtrainers-share-worst-excuses-national-athletic-training-month

While I haven’t taken many yoga classes in the past year, preferring to stay at home to cultivate a personal practice, I recently have returned to the group setting in my new hometown to get to know the community. Classes are the first place I’ll go to meet like-minded people when I land on unfamiliar territory. But it reminds me of why I often stay home.
The routine is the same. I begin by checking out some studios online and then look for instructors I think I may enjoy based on class descriptions and bios. Words such as ‘uplifting’, ‘intelligent flow,’ and ‘leaving students feeling centered and blissful’ often make their way into the picture. ‘All levels welcome’ is one I tend to see a lot as well.
However, what I typically experience is a rote reproduction of a vinyasa class with too many chattarangas for my taste and no clear purpose or aim. It seems like the latest generation of teachers are all reading from the same script. Yes, some have different jokes and others are slightly more entertaining, but rarely have I experienced a true ‘sattvic’ state at the end of the journey. Light. Clear. Steady and balanced.
The intention of this blog is not to blast every teacher I’ve come across nor to criticize every class I’ve taken. Because truth of the matter is there are a lot of good teachers out there.
However, it does seem like we are pumping out yoga teachers like BigMacs. It seems to have become the ‘job du jour’ as more and more people begin to dip their toes in the waters of yoga, creating an ocean of demand. Get laid off? Become a yoga teacher. Looking to balance your 9-5 job? Start teaching yoga on the side. Bored? Eh, may as well sign up for a 200 hour RYT.
And just like fast food, quality declines as mass production increases.
I’m all for learning the traditions, the ancient teachings, the intricate, detailed and sacred practices of an entire yoga system to help more people find joy and happiness in their lives. However, it seems like little more is being taught than where to put your foot in Warrior I and how to perform Ujjayi, if that. 
There are a couple of oft-repeated directions I hear to which I say “Huh?” Here are some my favorites.

1. “Lift your head/chin” or its stepsister “Look up”. I don’t have an issue with taking your gaze to the hands or in the ‘upward direction.’ However, most students interpret this into cranking their head back until their chin is in the vertical position, slightly resembling the unnatural range of motion of a Muppet. Unfortunately, this does not improve your backbend or get you any closer to divine spirit.
2. “Today we’re going to focus on ‘heart openers’”. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no amount of arching your back or pushing your ribcage out while scrunching your shoulders into your ears is going to help you feel ‘more love.’ Backbends, when practiced properly are wonderful to move energy in an upward direction, however, it is through thoughtful application of the breath that we begin to see shifts in our actual mind and emotional states. The best way to ‘open your heart’? Meditation and surrender. Take your practice off the mat and into your daily life. 
3. I’ve witnessed many teachers tell students their breath should sound like ‘Darth Vader’ or ‘be audible to your fellow yogis’. Ummmmm, no thank you. I for one don’t want to hear your Star Wars like breathing. From "Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings" “To regulate the breath during the practice of asanas, the technique of ujjayi breathing is important. In ujjayi breathing you constrict your vocal cords slightly as you breathe so that you can feel the air as it flows past. A slight hissing sound often results—the more you constrict your throat and force your breath, the louder the sound. Conversely, the more finely you control your breath, the softer the sound. The goal is not to create a lot of sound but rather less sound. With practice and greater control, you should be able to breathe slowly and very smoothly. Then the sound will diminish and you can direct your attention to a more subtle indicator: the internal sensation of your breath flowing. Krishnamacharya used to give the standard instruction, ‘Feel rubbing sensation in throat.’” (PS: Thanks for posting this Ben! A perfect quote to support my point.)
4. “Take a deep inhale in . . . and now SIIIIGGGHHHH out the mouth.” I’ll admit, this used to be me. I would love to make indescribable sounds during class and feel as if it was some huge release. Now, the symphonic collection of “ohhhhhhsssss” and “aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhs” drives me nuts. The concept of releasing all that energy seems counterintuitive to one of the primary goals of yoga, at least in the Tantric tradition: to contain and concentrate prana (energy) and direct it for a desired energetic effect. I understand the aim is to encourage students to release and ‘let go’, but there are so many other intelligent techniques a teacher can utilize to achieve this end. Let’s start using them.

Conversely, much of my frustration comes from what teachers AREN’T teaching in their classes. Here are just a few:

1. How to breathe. Yes, often instructors will speak of the importance of the breath at the onset of class but never revisit the concept as students gasp, grunt and “Aggghh” in their attempts to get their leg higher or their face to their knees.  I hate to repeat what's been said so many times, but without the breath, it's not yoga. It's a stretch class. 
2. Often, when I read teachers’ bios, everyone seems to have studied with world renowned teachers and highly respected gurus. Yet, why are they not teaching to what I assume they’ve learned . . . The subtle body, the energetic body? Why aren't we giving students the space and time to sit in stillness after asanas (and not just savasana) to tune into the presence and feeling of energy shifts? And consequently, the results that ensue from a very predetermined, directed sequence of asanas? How the poses influence not only our body, but our minds and emotions. If we continue to gloss over this just because our students want a hot body, we are doing them a great disservice.
3. What I’ve been experiencing lately is a lack of clear direction or aim in classes. I recently attended one where the instructor said, with genuine surprise, “Wow. It seems like this is turning into a backbend practice!” Needless to say I raise an eyebrow (or two since I am not that skilled in the unibrow lift) when there is a lack of clear purpose for a class. You are taking students on a journey. Know the destination.
4. Meditation. Lest we forget the ultimate destination of our practice. To prepare us for meditation. So that we may sit, comfortably, our spine a clear channel of energy. If our teachers are not bringing us to a place of more ease, freedom and joy in our day to day lives, it seems that our efforts are not nearly as effective as they can and should be.

I hear words my teacher has reiterated over and over on a daily basis: “If it’s not changing your life, it’s not yoga.” Yoga is a powerful tool. Let’s start treating it as such.

This blog was inspired by a student I had in class the other day who said to me, as I was adjusting her in a pose: “I do better with Vinyasa, not these long holds.” (I took the liberty to paraphrase a bit, but you get the idea.) That’s code for: I don’t like this because I’m not comfortable here. She opened Pandora’s box. The same sentiment seemed to be present itself EVERYWHERE. In my other classes, watching people on the subway, walking down the street. It was all around. How do we avoid discomfort? How can I get away with doing this exercise/job/LIFE with as little aches and uneasiness as possible?

I bore witness to this phenomenon again in my Barre Burn class later that evening. It was clear to me these ladies (Ahem gentlemen . . . if you ever go to the gym to meet women, you’re in the wrong class!) had gotten accustomed to going through the motions. Showing up, knowing what to expect and getting by with the least amount of effort possible. Clearly, there was discomfort (as signaled by the contorted facial expressions and piercing glances in my direction). Moving through movements slowly, activating your muscles rather than relying on momentum will do that to you. (Which, I will argue, is why the women in my earlier yoga class does much better with ‘Vinyasa’). I somewhat attribute this to the role of teachers more and more often not TEACHING but directing. But that’s a whole other blog.

It’s important here to make distinguish between pain and discomfort. Was I in pain when my teacher first took me in and out of chair pose what seemed like 50 times? No. I didn’t require an ambulance or paramedic. But you can bet your ass it was uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. I wanted to scream all sorts of expletives at him and shout “I hate you I hate you I hate you! Are you crazy!?!?” No. He wasn’t. I was simply going through something I had not experienced before. That would be fire. In my back, in my thighs, everywhere. I would later come to understand this sensation, this burning intense heat, as the fire of transformation. And it’s necessary for change. Whether you are looking to merely change your body or your looking to change your life. FIRE is necessary. It is the element of change. How do you change the inherent properties of matter? Water won’t do it. Neither will wind. Fire does. And I’m not referring to the comfy cozy heat you experience from a fireplace in the middle of winter with a cup of hot cocoa. Typically, I envision more of a devil (although I don't believe in the actual existence of one, just to be clear), too much Icy Hot down your pants, kind of heat.

Why do you think meditation is so difficult for people? Most of us are used to being pulled along by the current, from dawn til dusk and long after, kept awake by the buzz of televisions, iPhones, video games, etc. We do everything to distract ourselves from feeling any sort of discomfort whether it be physical, emotional or mental. I’ve often stepped in to teach a ‘Vinyasa’ class and directed students to stand, close their eyes and simply feel the effects of whatever pose asana, flow, etc. we just completed. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fidgeting. People are looking around the room, playing with their nails. . . . I’ve even seen people pick up their phones during this moment of rest. If you can’t sit still, close your eyes, look inside, and FEEL for 15 seconds, I’m telling you. There’s a problem.

Which is why, in my opinion many of these popular ‘Vinyasa’ are actually directing students further away from one of the main goals of yoga --- change. I don’t want to make a sweeping statement that all Vinyasa classes are this way. I’ve been to some wonderful ones that are very mindful. But many can be just as distracting as the buzz of the phone or the mind numbing frivolity of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (Although, I will admit, I’ve succumbed to more than one episode of mind numbing.)

Don’t get me wrong . . . there are definitely circumstances when what feels good and easy is SO right. A massage. A good pedicure. A restorative yoga class. Sun on your face. A margarita. (That is purely circumstantial actually, but often times, it's both so good and so right! ) But as we well know, often times, we slip into what feels good because it’s easier than facing what may be a huge challenge and bring us to a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE place.

Anything worth attaining, whether it be a tight tush or spiritual enlightenment, requires change. And change is again, typically, not comfortable. In fact, it may involve a whole lot of heat. But, as alchemy teaches, what’s on the other side of that heat could be liquid gold.

For years I’ve feared asking for what I want or speaking up for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or offending someone. Never is this more true than when I am receiving a haircut, massage, mani/pedi, etc. Too many times I’ve left a massage feeling like I needed a massage. Or silently nodding left speechless with wide eyes when asked “Do you like it?”, walking out of a salon looking like Dorothy Hamil.
Lately, there’s been a shift. I’d like to think it’s a result of a more dedicated yoga and meditation practice over the past year that has helped me cultivate more confidence and a stronger sense of self. I don’t seem to take things so personally, and conversely, I speak my mind when I have something to say. This may not seem like a huge deal. Many people have NO PROBLEM speaking their mind. But I’d venture to bet there are quite a few of us, even as mature adults, who do. We don’t want to rock the boat. We want people to like us. We fear we’ll be considered ‘bitches’. And our fears override our desire to leave with a fantastic haircut.
Recently, my brother sent me an email criticizing a comment I had made on Twitter. Five years ago (hell, who am I kidding? ONE year ago, probably) his words would have sent me reeling, old hurts rearing their ugly head. The 10-year old scolded little sister would assert herself and the tears would flow. And his words would have echoed in my head for days if not weeks. While I initially felt a slight sting, I closed my eyes for a moment, then re-opened them to read the email with clear eyes as opposed to the eyes of that “little sister.” And I understand why he sent it. It had nothing to do with me. I responded, but didn’t react, asserting my position. The only apology I made was for the way it made him feel.
The other day, I popped into an unknown nail salon for a manicure. When the gentleman began to hack away at my cuticles, I politely asked him to not cut so much. But he continued to trim them to a point I considered excessive. So I repeated my request. As you ladies may know, sometimes meaning gets lost in translation at nail salons. (I’m glad they don’t speak to each other in English. No doubt their comments would ensure I’d never go back.) Three time’s a charm apparently, and another nail technician replaced him. And I was fine with that. I’m sure he was a very nice man. But I left there with my nails perfectly painted and just as I wanted them.
Again, this may not seem like a huge milestone. But for me, it was a hurdle I haven’t been able to clear. Normally, I would have left the place with bloody cuticles.
And, feeling the effects of one too many hair whips in dance class, I decided to go to one of the Thai massage joints that litter Ventura Boulevard. Normally, I am very particular about who I go to for body treatments, however, I needed relief, stat. And I knew some of these Thai ladies are no joke. Unfortunately, my therapist was not one of them. For 15 minutes, I was more uncomfortable then when I first lay down. I played it out in my head . . . “Give her another 10 minutes. Maybe she’s just warming up. It could get better.” And “I can’t say anything, I’m already 15 minutes in.” Then I realized - if I go through with the massage, I can’t refuse to pay for dissatisfaction if I didn’t speak up. And then I’d be pissed for throwing money down the drain, feeling no relief and more agitated than when I arrived. At that instant, I stopped her and politely said, “I’m sorry. I think I need someone stronger.”
And in came Nami. Hallelujah. This woman squeezed and kneaded every part of my body that screamed for relief. I could relax and enjoy. I left feeling happily exhausted and appropriately beaten.
Mind you, speaking my mind still doesn’t come easily. I often have to stop myself and ask if by failing to express what I’m thinking, what or who am I really saving? Someone’s feelings? My happiness? My truth? But by taking pause, and asking myself these questions, no matter what the answer, I find I’m more authentic in every moment.

Good Thai massage? $50. Speaking my mind? Priceless.

We’ve always had a somewhat tumultuous relationship, the backs of my legs and myself. While I am grateful they are there and still working, they’ve plagued me with pain, discomfort and imbalance for as long as I can remember. My first concrete memory of tears and injury is from high school, when I kicked too high with my left leg during an overzealous cheer for our varsity basketball team. (Go Comets!) Years of dance and tennis only exacerbated the issue and, being an active and invincible teenager, I didn't realized the damage I was doing would come back to haunt me. I had more energy than the Energizer bunny--- and that was before I was introduced to lattes.
I’ve always envied the dancers and yogis that could either get their leg up to their ear or place their face comfortably on their shins. And seemingly, without much effort. Their backs were perfectly straight, no rounding or crunching in the spine just to achieve the desired outcome. It wasn’t just the end result, it was the beauty with which they got there. I felt like a big elephant, prodding along, fighting for every centimeter.
The more my yoga practice has developed, the more I’ve been ok with looking less like a Cirque du Soleil performer. I was strong and graceful and found ease where others struggled. As I began to accept and love my body for what it could do, I began to more completely embrace the concept that every body is different and has encountered different challenges along the way. Which has also made me a more compassionate teacher. 
Yet something has always nagged at my consciousness. While I know that years of athletics and dance have contributed to accumulated scar tissue and adhesions in and around the insertion points of my hamstrings on both legs, something in me feels like these pains and limitations are a result of something much deeper. A deep seeded pattern. A tightly woven belief system buried in my physical body. Something I couldn’t see.
Something that seems to be coming to the surface.
It was a week ago. I was already having a trying day. To put it bluntly, I felt like crap, my body, disconnected. While my body was giving me all the signs to ‘take a break’ for some reason I was being drawn to a particular Vinyasa class with a teacher who I heard was a ‘must take’. I was hopeful this was exactly the thing that would make me feel better, at least for the evening until I could drift to sleep and put the whole day behind me.
Cut to about 15 minutes into the practice in the first variation of Parsvottanasana. For those of you unfamiliar with the pose, it can be a slow assassination on the hamstrings if they are weak or injured. A deep forward fold that requires not only flexibility in the hamstrings, but quite a bit of strength if you’re aiming to look like a Yoga Journal cover. I’m not. I just want to get through it without crying. As I mentioned above, however, I had come to terms with my limitations and accepted them, knowing most of my life I would use blocks to support myself in this pose. Wrong.
As we moved into the pose, my issues came screaming at me with an intense sort of fire.
The instructor was yelling his directives over and over and OVER again. So many I can’t even recall what he was saying. Or screaming, rather. It was like receiving in email message IN ALL CAPS!!!!
One instruction I do remember him SHOUTING was ‘BE HERE NOW!’ To which I replied, in my best LOUD internal voice, “Oh F YOU!!! I’m HERE!!!!”
And then came something much more revealing as the snot came dripping down, tears hot against my cheeks. It was the little 10 or 11 year old girl in me shouting back. “STOP IT!!! STOP YELLING AT ME! SHUT UP! STOP! STOP BERATING ME! I’M NOT A FUCKING CHILD ANYMORE!!! You can’t yell at me like this.” And there it was. Again and again this scolded child keeps rearing it’s ugly head, strangling me, even at 38. Even as I type this, the emotions are there. The anger.
I tried to build a fire right then and there to burn this child. The one that always feels she has something to prove. I tried to banish it with “You’re no longer welcome here.” And fight it off with encouraging words such as “I am so much stronger than you”. And while I know I was in some way destined to face Mr. Shouty Pants (seriously, this was the most aggressive teacher, maybe person, I have ever experienced) for a reason I also knew I had a choice, whereas the 10 year old in me didn’t. I could choose to walk away. To not listen to the constant yelling. So while I was grateful for this teacher who was pushing my buttons and my hamstrings, I also realized I could choose not to listen to him. Some people may enjoy an aggressive, stern disciplinarian like Mr. Shouty Pants. Not me. I’ve had enough of that and I’m done. SO done. I had that kind of stern discipline for the first 18 years of my life and it’s stuck with me ever since. While it served me well at certain points of my journey, our time is through. I need more love, more acceptance. More nuturing and kindness. And, in order to heal, I need to be receptive instead of pushing my way through things.
And although I wanted to slap him in the moment, I am extremely grateful to Mr. Shouty Pants for the learning opportunity. It brought to light the wounds, emotional and physical, that are still there. The darkness that still seems to be holding me back with insecurity and false beliefs. But now I see these demons so clearly for what they are. I am aware. And every single day it is my job to shed more light on them so hopefully, their shadows will no longer cover the light within. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll one day be able to touch my face to my shins.

Moderation. We’ve all heard the saying: “Everything in moderation.” If it were so easy, Mayor Bloomberg would not be initiating a ban on soda over the copious amount of 16oz. (Seriously? You need more than 54 grams of sugar in one serving? And people are resisting this. Unbelievable. I’ll have to save my rant for another day. This is not about the soda ban. Although this photo definitely speaks to my point.)
How often have you thought “ I’ll just have a little bite of cookie dough ice cream”? Right. Or “Maybe just TWO chips.” Uh-huh. There’s a reason Lay’s had an advertising campaign challenging people to “East Just One.” It’s friggin impossible.
We are a nation of excess. In everything. Food. Money. Things. We want it all and we want more of it.
It seems to be human nature. More and more I see people around me (and truthfully, I may not be an exception) exercising to excess. And Lord knows, all you have to do is walk by a Chili's or Cheesecake Factory to see that people are definitely eating in excess. I often write and speak about trying to find balance. So I decided to put together some tips to help you maintain portion control when eating without being neurotic and weighing your food. (Whoever came up with that idea should be hurt. Seriously? Isn’t it bad enough we weigh ourselves? We’re really going to weigh our food too?)
Some tips are very practical and easily to initiate. Others will require a little more mindfulness and ask you to slow down a bit. All require discipline.

Practical Tips:
1. Eat from a smaller, appetizer sized plate rather than a typical dinner size plate. This will keep your plate ‘full’ and prevent you from feeling like your portions are too small.
2. When eating ice cream or other frozen treat, before it gets TOO soft (I find when it’s that nice, soft and creamy texture I’ll just sit with the carton and scoop around the edges until – SURPRISE! – there are no more edges!) scoop out a small portion into a white wine glass or highball glass (just like wine, no need to fill the glass!) and then, for God’s sake, put the carton back in the freezer! It’s a pretty presentation and when you’re done, you’re done.
3. This one is more for single people (Can I get a “Woo-Hoo?!?!”) for making meals for a couple of people, or for those of you who cook in bulk. Once you’re done making the dish, place it in a leftover container right away. Then scoop out the portion you want and place the rest in fridge for another time. You’re less likely to keep going back to the pot for seconds, thirds, etc. when it’s already packed up and put away.
4. Put a slice of ginger on your tongue and suck. It's a wonderful digestive aid and anti bacterial agent. Meaning it will put that Altoid to shame. 
5. Brush your teeth. This is the oldest trick in the book. And it works. It signals the meal is over. Kaput. Finished. No one wants to have another helping of creamed spinach or a donut after a mouthful of mint. Blech.
6. Refuse to dine out with friends or significant others if they don’t like to share. (Unless it's a first date of course. If they make it to a second, you can lay down the law so they know what to expect in the future.)  Often, my friends and I will each order an appetizer (usually a salad or veggie based dish) and split an entrée we both like. We get a little of everything and end up completely satisfied. You may need to reconsider with whom you keep company if they refuse. 
7. Plan dessert. You heard me. Know at the end of the meal you'll have a piece of dark chocolate, a small scoop of ice cream (see tip #2), tea or some other little morsel of heaven you'll look forward to. And when you are done with your sweet thing, that meal is OFFICIALLY OVER. Never to be heard from again.
8. Outta sight, outta mind. Meaning if you really have no self control with a particular food (Terra Chips anyone?!?), keep it out of the house. Maybe twice a year indulgences are o.k. but if you truly feel as if none of the tips above (or below) will help you resist the urge of consuming all 6 servings in one sitting, simply stay away.  

Mindful Tips:
1. Take a moment before you dive in to close your eyes and offer gratitude for the plate in front of you. It doesn’t need to be a formal ‘grace’, but it’s nice to remember how blessed we are to have food on our table. Plus, this can be done anywhere (at a friend’s home, at a restaurant, etc.) without too much of a fuss.
2. Put your fork down in between bites.
3. Invite a friend over. (Again for us ‘Woo-Hoo!’ single people) I find my meals are much more enjoyable when I have someone with whom I can share them. Good conversation and laughter keeps you relaxed and helps you digest your food. You’re not just eating to get it over with. It’s more about the pleasurable experience of sharing and less about what you are eating. (See photo to right. My friend and ULTIMATE meal---and carrot cake---sharer! She's the best!)
4. Many people recommend having no distractions when you eat to keep your thoughts on what you’re doing, but if you do eat alone a lot, this can be quite frankly, BORING. I like to read a magazine (nothing too heavy!) or flip through catalogs that have stacked up on my entry bookshelf. It’s a nice time for imagination, inspiration, etc. And I also use it to help me with tip #2. It’s hard to flip and concentrate when you’re chewing. So I’ll put my fork down, flip a few pages, and then get back to the task at hand: Enjoying my delectable meal.
5. That being said, I wouldn’t make a habit out of eating with the TV on. Yes, I do it occasionally. (Maybe once or twice a week) but it’s not my routine. More than ever, TV is sensory overload. There’s nothing calming and relaxing about it. I actually find very little that’s enjoyable. And your meal should be enjoyed.
6. Breath. Sounds simple. But how often do you go through your meal holding your breath only to lean back in your chair when you've finally cleared everything off your plate like a Hoover, puff your tummy out and say something to the effect of “Ahhhhhhhhh . . .” as if to let it all go? Let’s not wait til the end of our meal to take some deep breaths. It will calm your nervous system and prevent you from stuffing your face as if it’s the last meal you will ever have. For most of us, it won’t be.
7. Plan for something enjoyable after dinner. Give yourself something to look forward to so you don't just hang around filling your time with food. A bubble bath. A movie you've been wanting to see. A nice walk. Trolling iTunes for new music (one of my personal faces) or get in bed early with a good book and some tea. 

Probably the most logical tip I can offer actually has to do with WHAT you eat. Eat REAL FOOD. Rarely do you see people walking around with an 8 pound bag of spinach or eating 15 carrots in one sitting. Processed foods are addictive and the only things that come in portions large enough to feed an army. When you tune in, listen to your body and feed it with nutrient dense foods, your cravings for offerings that come in Super Size will diminish. 
The only thing you should be drinking in a 32 oz BIG GULP is water. 

While the calendar says Fall is here, temperatures are still up to 80* here in the Big Apple and I still see people walking around with their mid afternoon pick me ups. As you have probably heard, such frothy tasty concoctions such as the grande mocha caramel whipped frappe something-or-other may as well be a fifth meal. And not a nutritious one. I especially love when the person ordering one of those says something like ‘Umm . . . hold chocolate shavings please.” Really? As if that’s going to salvage this drink from caffeine sugar bomb hell. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you’re basically injecting an IV of sugar into your bloodstream. Why do you think it tastes so darn good?
Not to mention, if you saved up all the $$$ you spent on those drinks per year, you’d be looking at a fine pair of Louboutins. Or maybe a plane ticket to Mexico. Lying in the sun. And be able to save those calories for something that’s really worth it. Like a friggin pina colada.
Trust me, I love my coffee treats as much as the next person. (Most who know me are well aware my family is in the coffee business. There was coffee in my bottle before there was milk.) However, there are ways to slim down your favorite java drink, and your wallet at the same time.
Here are two of my favorite recipes that you can easily make at home or in your office.

You’ll need to buy a shot or two of decaf espresso (try it. even decaf will provide a little pick me up) Or, if you must have the crack, try cutting it in ½ and order one regular and one decaf shot. Yes, you’ll be that pain in the ass person in line but join the club. I’m president. It keeps me healthy and that’s more important than worrying that I’m annoying the teenager behind the counter or the suit behind me. You know what annoys me? The idiot standing outside the coffee shop blowing toxic smoke in my face, but I can’t do anything about that can I? I rather be the annoying person ordering the ½ caf or getting quizzical looks from people when I order decaf espresso as if to say “Why bother?” than be that annoying person killing themselves and others with toxic waste.

Better yet, if your office has one of those fancy Nespresso espresso makers, use theirs. Really stick it to the man. Again, saves $ and time. Time which could be well spent sitting outside or online shopping.

So now you have your coffee. Step 2. You’ll need to keep your own milk in the refrigerator if you work from an office. And here’s where you can really cut down on the sugar. Most coffee joints will use the sweetened version of non dairy milk like vanilla soy or add their version of McDonald’s special sauce: liquid sugar. I keep unsweetened almond milk in my fridge at all times.

For a creamy Iced Vanilla Latte simply use Vanilla Unsweetened Almond Milk (or soy if you’re a fan, although I would encourage the former), a couple drops of Vanilla Liquid Stevia (my favorite is the NuNaturals brand as it is the purest form of stevia and they don't add any alcohol. they also have an abundance of other flavors! mint anyone?) and my secret weapon, a drop of quality vanilla extract. Pour over ice with your espresso, shake it up to get it nice and frothy and voila! Creamy Vanilla treat. You can do the same with different flavored extracts. (Try hazelnut, mint, or even caramel!) The sweetness will come from the stevia (you can also try the plain) and since it’s liquid you don’t have to bother with trying to get that annoying powder to dissolve. It’s a little more expensive than the blue, pink and yellow packets, but my health (and yours gosh darnit!) is worth it. And a little of the liquid goes a LOOOOONG way.

Now if you are really jonesing for that frothy blended whipped up concoction click here to try my Cold Cocoa recipe. If you want to add coffee, try using decaf again, but add some raw cacao nibs which will provide a nice pick me up.

I understand part of the deal with these drinks is the ‘experience of the coffee bar.’ So here’s what to do. Buy yourself one of those cool to go tumblers and make your cheaper, healthier drink in the office. Then go and sit wherever the heck you like. If it’s the ‘getting out of the office’ idea, sit in a park, on a bench, or take a walk with your new favorite coffee beverage. You'll be exercising your right to not fork over your entire paycheck to the 'Evil Empire' as well as your body. 

so often you hear me talk about how to be kind to yourself. how to take care of yourself. treat yourself. be a good friend to you. mostly because it's something i don't often do and telling you so reminds me to practice what i preach. however, every once and a while, a true friend will give you a swift kick in the ass when you need it. a jump start. a tough love talk. and it's about time i be that kind of friend to myself.
admittedly, i've been, mentally, hard on myself lately. my body is just NOT where it was a year ago and i'm kind of at a loss. i hate that i'm so caught up on it, but i am. there. it's out there. i am trying to get older with grace and acceptance. (WHAT?!??!!! you mean i'm NOT 30 anymore? since WHEN?!?!? Hmph.) but as you have heard me talk about so many times, it's my achilles heel. more often than not, i get caught up in the physical. and quite frankly i'm sick of it. the way i see it, i have two options. one, learn to let it go and see the truth of my beauty and love beyond this body. luckily through yoga, mediation and all i'm learning with my teacher, it really IS becoming clearer that i am so much more than my physical body. thank goodness. but this takes time. and i am definitely more of an 'i want it now' kind of woman. so i've resorted to the things i can affect immediately. discipline myself. i used to be so good at this. too good. then i realized i was definitely too hard on myself, so i eased up.
between you and me, i now feel like a slacker. i've been unmotivated to do much and there is SO much i COULD be doing. my business could/should be thriving. i've been wanting to do more online videos, etc. but you know what's been stopping me? i don't feel like i LOOK good enough to be on camera right now. i'm trying to call myself out on this bullshit. i'm strong. i'm fit. i'm HUMAN for crying out loud, and i'm NOT nor will i ever be Giselle. but it is this constant hang up that holds me back. and i can't wait any longer to get over this crap. again, i will eventually, but it's taking too long. on to option 2: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
so when i say i'm going to clean up my eating and try to get down to the heart of this continuous 'bloat' i seem to be wearing, then having some of Magnolia's famous banana pudding before i hit the cardio machines doesn't cut it. i don't care if it was just two bites. (by the way if you've never had it, it truly is life changing. definitely makes my 'last meal' list. and i don't even really like banana pudding) have some will power girl!!!! because every little 'indiscretion' sets me back to square one. and that will continue to happen until nothing happens. zip. zilch. i've said this before too (or something like it) : change is effort. and of course my favorite, the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. yes, i have changed a lot in the past year to help me move in the direction i want. but it's not enough anymore. i need to put a little more UMPH behind it. i let go of my disbelief that i have to do cardio for thirty minutes today and i let my friend and A list trainer, Jeff Halevy, create a workout for me. did i bitch about it? absolutely. i have to admit . . . i even GRUNTED. and i HATE when dudes do that in the gym. he had me on a circuit for 40 minutes. i'm sure he chuckled as i spat out curses his way. i did things i normally never touch . . . kettle bells (still don't love em), push ups (blech), and ropes (just never had the space). but can i tell you how GREAT i feel now? how accomplished? with Jeff's help, i pushed myself out of my comfort zone. and while the workout was great, really, THAT is what it's all about. i came home, and me, the procrastinator of all blogging, sat down and spat this out. i got shit done that i've been postponing for weeks/days/probably months. in addition, i felt my voice more powerful. i emailed a guy i've been seeing and told him exactly what was on my mind instead of trying to be nice and skirt around the issue. one workout and i'm a new person! i had a nice clean post workout smoothie. (plus 3 small squares of dark chocolate! i deserve it. see, i haven't totally gone off the deep end.) and i'm determined to keep mixing things up. and surprising myself. that, along with a healthy dose of (kind) discipline and i believe things will start changing around here. goodbye same old same old. hello shiny new happy, gosh darnit. if the kettlebells don't kill me first.

You all know the saying. Usually associated with the power to overcome any obstacle and difficulty with force and strength. However, I have come to understand a completely different application of this often used phrase.
Over Memorial Day weekend I sustained a traumatic knee injury that left me, for the most part, immobile. I clearly recall the “POP” sound as I led a bootcamp class in Darien, CT at Equinox. More clearly than the sudden sound, I recall my subsequent thought. It went something like this: “Oh Shit.” I knew it was more than just a moment of temporary discomfort and something was wrong. As in, I was going to need surgery wrong. Although I prayed that an ice pack or two would magically restore my knee to good as new and had visions of walking and skipping along soon, I knew in my heart I was in for a long road of recovery. However, my ‘finish what you started at all costs” and tough, “I can handle anything” girl/athlete emerged as I continued to teach and finish out the class. Foolish? Perhaps. But it was a way to ignore not so much the physical hurt, but the emotional hurt. The sadness and frustration I knew would set in all too soon.
Yet, I had things to do, places to be and work to accomplish. I couldn’t let this ‘small injury’ completely sideline me. When I returned to the city later that day, ice pack strapped to my knee, I hobbled through Grand Central to continue home. What would typically be a 5-7 minute walk, turned into a 20 minute adventure. Push through, I told myself. In the words of a famous shoe company, “Just Do It.” It’s not that bad.  
That evening I kept moving, packing my suitcase for a flight out to LA the next morning. While I normally love to travel back to LA, this was one trip that did not excite me. I couldn’t believe I would have to gather not only my physical stuff, but once again, my mental stuff to push on. But push on I did. I just had to get through.
I continued to do a lot of ‘pushing on’ that week, making sure I got the medical attention I needed and completed what I set out to do with discomfort. I cut my trip short to return to NYC and again, do what needed to be done. For over a week, I’ve been hobbling around, making doctor’s appointments and jumping through all the necessary hoops to get this thing “taken care of”.
The whole incident brings to mind a small phrase I’ve heard my teacher Rod Stryker say during one of our meditations. I’ve had it memorized for about a month now “ . . . the indomitable will to do and to become . . .” The knowledge that I have the power to change whatever circumstance I’m in or whatever struggle I encounter is a huge motivator. However, now I had to use my indomitable will to actually DO LESS. I would now need to use my will and drive in a different way than what was normal for me. I would have to literally WILL myself to ask for help.
And ask I did. Checking my ego along with my bag, I requested a wheel chair at the airport. I felt like my grandmother, bag on my lap, leg propped up on one of those thing-a-ma-giggys that pops out from underneath the chair. (Is there a technical term for that? Footrest maybe?) By the way, if you are late to your flight and need to get to your gate ASAP, do a little hopping around and tell ‘em you need a wheelchair! You’ll fly on through! Of course, you’ll have to weigh the pros (the speed with which you’ll get through security) against the cons (a bruised ego), but that’s your call. I much rather sprint to my gate. Great cardio and no one looks at you funny, which made me truly uncomfortable. I could FEEL peoples’ stares of pity and empathy. Why that makes me uncomfortable is a topic for another blog all together.
I’ve asked my dear friend Joe Somodi to help me after my surgery (FINALLY scheduled for tomorrow!) to pick me up at the hospital and help care for me over the weekend. It made me so uncomfortable, but, God bless him, he graciously agreed without making it seem I was putting him out or that it would be a huge inconvenience (which I’m sure it is.)
These are just two of the many examples where I’ve piped up for assistance. However, SEVERAL friends, and even strangers, have just ‘shown up’. To Sheri, Karen, Sohpia, Bart and the entire crew at Dragonfly Productions, and those whose names I don’t even know – I can’t express enough gratitude. I am touched by your kindness and care. While I’m at it, to those who have expressed empathy and just sent thoughts, well wishes and love, thank you. I have felt every one of them.
But still, my “indomitable will to do and to become” drives me to get better and heal. Not willing to be completely sidelined, I’ve been finding ways to continue to move my body. (As I mentioned to some friends in an email, I would not be undermined by no stinking knee!) I've begun swimming, dragging my left leg behind me and now wondering why it took a traumatic injury to get me in the water again. I am a Pisces after all. It feels natural. It kicks my ass, but feels natural nonetheless! I am exhausted after a ½ hour in the pool and feel as if I could eat a cow on the days I swim (and often do). And I don’t ache at all after a water workout. It's a win-win.
I’ve also found a way to “squeeze in” some more of my yoga practice during my swim sessions. You see, I am a breathe every three strokes kind of gal. The rhythm and staring at the same line below you at the bottom of the pool can be very meditative. Much like meditation, you become aware of and begin to 'hear' all the chatter in the mind. In an effort to silence the chatter, I began adding in a mantra practice, silently reciting a piece of a mantra every time I exhale under water. I come out of the pool virtually levitating!
I’m still doing my asana practice, albeit, VERY VERY modified. But I can manage certain postures. The attention necessary to not do more harm to my body draws me inward even more than usual and I find it a perfect preparation for my morning meditations. On that note, I’ve also put more time into my meditation practice ensuring it is the one thing that continues. I can’t use the excuse that I’m unable to sit cross-legged. I prop my body up against the wall in bed, place a pillow under my legs and again, realize what it means to be truly comfortable and undistracted by physical discomfort during meditation. I need to help myself more often. And the benefits of my practice have become very evident. While the past two weeks and change have been a nuisance and not the most comfortable of my life, I am still able to find peace and ease amidst the turmoil of my body and my thoughts. Sure, I’ve succumbed to breakdowns on more than one occasion (most recently yesterday at the hospital upon being shuffled from doctor to doctor, unbearable waits, and exaggerated prognoses), but I release, and move on. I don’t feel as stuck and I renew my resolve once again.
I actually relate my injury to pregnancy. While admittedly I have never been pregnant, enough of my friends have, and I’ve heard enough stories where women use pregnancy as an excuse to succumb to every craving, eat whatever they want and let their healthy habits go awry. Yes, it would be easy to sit on my couch, cry and watch back to back episodes of The Bachelorette drowning myself in others’ miseries and drama. (Although, I will fess up to watching this show for the sheer comedy of it all!) This was not an option for me. I am grateful to possess “the indomitable will to do and to become”. Whether that is the will to still move, or the will to graciously accept help, receive and be kind to myself.
I’ve realized that I am not superwoman. Even I am susceptible to injury. I may need help from time to time. I may need to put the brakes on. Or I may need to find another way. What has become absolutely clear to me is that all of these take a certain amount of will, in one direction or another. It is the will to become something different than I am.

I have undergone so much transformation in the past 8 months since meeting my teacher, Rod Stryker. I can't tell you how much my studies with him and the tradition of Tantra have profoundly transformed not only my yoga practice, but my life. I recently returned from what was probably my favorite and most revelatory trainings thus far with Rod in Aspen. Forget the fact that Aspen, CO was a gift to this country directly from God (not to mention the kale salad and Tiger Chai from Peaches Cafe!). I highly encourage a vacation there at some point in your life. I'm not a huge fan of the cold, so, for me, May was perfect. The weather was exceptional for most of the week and Aspen in spring is a perfect playground for activities other than skiing. Minus the annoying crowds.
As with most of Rod's ParaYoga trainings, I found our asana practices and meditations challenging, inspiring and at times, very provocative. However, Rod also reminded me of a practice not unique to his teachings or ParaYoga : The Four Gates Of Speech. This 'mantra' so to speak, asks you to consider these four things before speaking:
1. Is it truthful?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it timely?
4. Is it kind?
While it's said the Four Gates has its origins in Buddhism, the practice has been adopted and preached by many spiritual traditions and practices. The reason is this: Passing through the doors of the Four Gates does not ask us to worship any God, practice any voodoo or participate in any prayer that doesn't agree with our beliefs. It simply asks we be thoughtful and kind individuals, something that transcends religion and benefits all.
While I admittedly haven't taken the Four Gates into account with every spoken word, I have been mindful of its qualifications much more often before opening my mouth since the day Rod mentioned it in our training. And subsequently found myself remaining silent when it doesn't pass at the VERY LEAST, 2 of the 4 prerequisites. (3 on a good day) I seem to catch myself particularly when the "necessary" and "timely" doors are shut.
Much of our speech day to day is frankly, unnecessary. I now notice how much idle chatter goes on around me. And I am not immune to contributing to such chatter. So many of us are uncomfortable with silence and feel every moment needs to be occupied with opinion, thoughts, suggestions and of course, explanations. As I become more confident in my truth and who I am, I find I need to speak less. If we stop ourselves before adding unnecessary commentary to a conversation, it allows the space to listen more. As well as prevents us from saying something we may regret later. Silence is golden. I'm getting used to it. This is not to say every conversation you have has to be deep and thought provoking. Dropping an occasional F bomb may be just what the doctor ordered on a particularly stressful day. However, a couple times a day, before the words leave your mouth, simply consider if they are truly necessary. My guess is you'll be talking a lot less.
The other gate where I frequently take pause is the "timely"one. Yes, your words may speak the truth and they may be necessary, but consider if the person to whom they are directed is ready to hear them. I take particular pause when talking to my students. As a teacher, and as a friend, you may want to consider if someone is ready to hear the truth, no matter how necessary it may be. Yes, someone may need a swift kick in the ass. But not after their spouse just walked out on them after cheating with their best friend.
And to be perfectly honest (since we're being truthful), as much as I like to think I am ALWAYS truthful and would never lie, this is, well, a lie. I find myself doing this often, actually. Keep in mind, a blatant lie such as the one the aforementioned cheater would tell to hide infidelity is not the only untruth there is. How about the small lies we tell ourselves? Any time we are ignoring our own truth, or making decisions that run counter to our authenticity, guess what? We are not being truthful. So be honest. With yourselves. With what you really want. Any time we stay in a relationship that doesn't feel anything less than wonderful? A lie. When we accept a social invitation when all we want and need is a night at home by ourselves to read, write, nurture ourselves? Another lie. The worst untruths are those we tell ourselves.
Finally, a little commentary on the kind factor. Gossiping? Not kind. Telling yourself your fat and worthless? Definitely not kind. (Note to self) Remember, our thoughts are the conversations we are having with ourselves every day. Consider what kind of dialogue you have with yourself. If you wouldn't dare say it to your best friend (or even your worst enemy!), consider stopping that thought and changing it to something more loving and kind.
Your spoken, and unspoken, words have power.