Everything listed under: wellness

A dear friend and fellow yogi, Ben McLellan recently posted this comment on his Facebook page: This is astonishing to me.....we will take a drug that may cause internal bleeding, stroke, heart attack, and possibly death to sleep better. We won't practice yoga, chi gong, or tai chi because we don't have time, it's too expensive, or it's weird. Dumb is an understatement.
I share these sentiments and have become increasingly frustrated with the excuses people give that prevent them from embarking on a routine that will lead to greater health, healing and ultimately, happiness. Despite my sincerest efforts to be patient and accept that everyone is on their own unique path, so often I have the desire to call out “Bullshit!” in the middle of a sentence. Not exactly polite, I know.  
I think what pisses me off most is the lack of personal responsibility. (I'm obviously pretty fired up on this topic lately. Just ask some of my poor friends who have to listen to me.) If I had a quarter for the number of times I have heard the words “CAN’T” and “DON’T”, I wouldn't be writing my own blogs anymore (Just kidding! I'll always write my own stuff. Promise. )
“I CAN’T meditate. I CAN’T turn off my brain”. To which I’ll retort, “Who the fuck can?”
Or “I DON’T have the time.” Oh please. I know how much time I spend on Facebook. And I still manage to do a meditation practice.
Or my favorite “I CAN’T do yoga. I’m not flexible.”
AGHHHHH. Please. Just. Stop.
Be honest. With me. With yourself. We all have nothing but time. It’s up to you how you spend it. And where you spend it. I am FINE if you don’t WANT to do yoga, Tai Chi, meditate, lift weights or eat broccoli. That is your prerogative.
ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, it is challenging to make these practices a habit. They require more effort, more work and more discipline. However, they also ultimately make you a healthier, happier, more productive, balanced and evolved human being. Ask the thousands of people who do such things. But please, stop with the excuses. You have choices. Take responsibility for those you continue to make, and realize you’re life is what it is today because of them. As Jean Paul Sarte so simply states: “You are your choices.”
Choose wisely. And stop telling me you ‘can’t’.

For a list of some of the most hysterical excuses some of my trainer friends have gotten, please read this. If you recognize yourself, you’ve been publically outed! http://espn.go.com/espnw/athletes-life/9104429/espnwtrainers-share-worst-excuses-national-athletic-training-month

While I haven’t taken many yoga classes in the past year, preferring to stay at home to cultivate a personal practice, I recently have returned to the group setting in my new hometown to get to know the community. Classes are the first place I’ll go to meet like-minded people when I land on unfamiliar territory. But it reminds me of why I often stay home.
The routine is the same. I begin by checking out some studios online and then look for instructors I think I may enjoy based on class descriptions and bios. Words such as ‘uplifting’, ‘intelligent flow,’ and ‘leaving students feeling centered and blissful’ often make their way into the picture. ‘All levels welcome’ is one I tend to see a lot as well.
However, what I typically experience is a rote reproduction of a vinyasa class with too many chattarangas for my taste and no clear purpose or aim. It seems like the latest generation of teachers are all reading from the same script. Yes, some have different jokes and others are slightly more entertaining, but rarely have I experienced a true ‘sattvic’ state at the end of the journey. Light. Clear. Steady and balanced.
The intention of this blog is not to blast every teacher I’ve come across nor to criticize every class I’ve taken. Because truth of the matter is there are a lot of good teachers out there.
However, it does seem like we are pumping out yoga teachers like BigMacs. It seems to have become the ‘job du jour’ as more and more people begin to dip their toes in the waters of yoga, creating an ocean of demand. Get laid off? Become a yoga teacher. Looking to balance your 9-5 job? Start teaching yoga on the side. Bored? Eh, may as well sign up for a 200 hour RYT.
And just like fast food, quality declines as mass production increases.
I’m all for learning the traditions, the ancient teachings, the intricate, detailed and sacred practices of an entire yoga system to help more people find joy and happiness in their lives. However, it seems like little more is being taught than where to put your foot in Warrior I and how to perform Ujjayi, if that. 
There are a couple of oft-repeated directions I hear to which I say “Huh?” Here are some my favorites.

1. “Lift your head/chin” or its stepsister “Look up”. I don’t have an issue with taking your gaze to the hands or in the ‘upward direction.’ However, most students interpret this into cranking their head back until their chin is in the vertical position, slightly resembling the unnatural range of motion of a Muppet. Unfortunately, this does not improve your backbend or get you any closer to divine spirit.
2. “Today we’re going to focus on ‘heart openers’”. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no amount of arching your back or pushing your ribcage out while scrunching your shoulders into your ears is going to help you feel ‘more love.’ Backbends, when practiced properly are wonderful to move energy in an upward direction, however, it is through thoughtful application of the breath that we begin to see shifts in our actual mind and emotional states. The best way to ‘open your heart’? Meditation and surrender. Take your practice off the mat and into your daily life. 
3. I’ve witnessed many teachers tell students their breath should sound like ‘Darth Vader’ or ‘be audible to your fellow yogis’. Ummmmm, no thank you. I for one don’t want to hear your Star Wars like breathing. From "Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings" “To regulate the breath during the practice of asanas, the technique of ujjayi breathing is important. In ujjayi breathing you constrict your vocal cords slightly as you breathe so that you can feel the air as it flows past. A slight hissing sound often results—the more you constrict your throat and force your breath, the louder the sound. Conversely, the more finely you control your breath, the softer the sound. The goal is not to create a lot of sound but rather less sound. With practice and greater control, you should be able to breathe slowly and very smoothly. Then the sound will diminish and you can direct your attention to a more subtle indicator: the internal sensation of your breath flowing. Krishnamacharya used to give the standard instruction, ‘Feel rubbing sensation in throat.’” (PS: Thanks for posting this Ben! A perfect quote to support my point.)
4. “Take a deep inhale in . . . and now SIIIIGGGHHHH out the mouth.” I’ll admit, this used to be me. I would love to make indescribable sounds during class and feel as if it was some huge release. Now, the symphonic collection of “ohhhhhhsssss” and “aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhs” drives me nuts. The concept of releasing all that energy seems counterintuitive to one of the primary goals of yoga, at least in the Tantric tradition: to contain and concentrate prana (energy) and direct it for a desired energetic effect. I understand the aim is to encourage students to release and ‘let go’, but there are so many other intelligent techniques a teacher can utilize to achieve this end. Let’s start using them.

Conversely, much of my frustration comes from what teachers AREN’T teaching in their classes. Here are just a few:

1. How to breathe. Yes, often instructors will speak of the importance of the breath at the onset of class but never revisit the concept as students gasp, grunt and “Aggghh” in their attempts to get their leg higher or their face to their knees.  I hate to repeat what's been said so many times, but without the breath, it's not yoga. It's a stretch class. 
2. Often, when I read teachers’ bios, everyone seems to have studied with world renowned teachers and highly respected gurus. Yet, why are they not teaching to what I assume they’ve learned . . . The subtle body, the energetic body? Why aren't we giving students the space and time to sit in stillness after asanas (and not just savasana) to tune into the presence and feeling of energy shifts? And consequently, the results that ensue from a very predetermined, directed sequence of asanas? How the poses influence not only our body, but our minds and emotions. If we continue to gloss over this just because our students want a hot body, we are doing them a great disservice.
3. What I’ve been experiencing lately is a lack of clear direction or aim in classes. I recently attended one where the instructor said, with genuine surprise, “Wow. It seems like this is turning into a backbend practice!” Needless to say I raise an eyebrow (or two since I am not that skilled in the unibrow lift) when there is a lack of clear purpose for a class. You are taking students on a journey. Know the destination.
4. Meditation. Lest we forget the ultimate destination of our practice. To prepare us for meditation. So that we may sit, comfortably, our spine a clear channel of energy. If our teachers are not bringing us to a place of more ease, freedom and joy in our day to day lives, it seems that our efforts are not nearly as effective as they can and should be.

I hear words my teacher has reiterated over and over on a daily basis: “If it’s not changing your life, it’s not yoga.” Yoga is a powerful tool. Let’s start treating it as such.

This blog was inspired by a student I had in class the other day who said to me, as I was adjusting her in a pose: “I do better with Vinyasa, not these long holds.” (I took the liberty to paraphrase a bit, but you get the idea.) That’s code for: I don’t like this because I’m not comfortable here. She opened Pandora’s box. The same sentiment seemed to be present itself EVERYWHERE. In my other classes, watching people on the subway, walking down the street. It was all around. How do we avoid discomfort? How can I get away with doing this exercise/job/LIFE with as little aches and uneasiness as possible?

I bore witness to this phenomenon again in my Barre Burn class later that evening. It was clear to me these ladies (Ahem gentlemen . . . if you ever go to the gym to meet women, you’re in the wrong class!) had gotten accustomed to going through the motions. Showing up, knowing what to expect and getting by with the least amount of effort possible. Clearly, there was discomfort (as signaled by the contorted facial expressions and piercing glances in my direction). Moving through movements slowly, activating your muscles rather than relying on momentum will do that to you. (Which, I will argue, is why the women in my earlier yoga class does much better with ‘Vinyasa’). I somewhat attribute this to the role of teachers more and more often not TEACHING but directing. But that’s a whole other blog.

It’s important here to make distinguish between pain and discomfort. Was I in pain when my teacher first took me in and out of chair pose what seemed like 50 times? No. I didn’t require an ambulance or paramedic. But you can bet your ass it was uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. I wanted to scream all sorts of expletives at him and shout “I hate you I hate you I hate you! Are you crazy!?!?” No. He wasn’t. I was simply going through something I had not experienced before. That would be fire. In my back, in my thighs, everywhere. I would later come to understand this sensation, this burning intense heat, as the fire of transformation. And it’s necessary for change. Whether you are looking to merely change your body or your looking to change your life. FIRE is necessary. It is the element of change. How do you change the inherent properties of matter? Water won’t do it. Neither will wind. Fire does. And I’m not referring to the comfy cozy heat you experience from a fireplace in the middle of winter with a cup of hot cocoa. Typically, I envision more of a devil (although I don't believe in the actual existence of one, just to be clear), too much Icy Hot down your pants, kind of heat.

Why do you think meditation is so difficult for people? Most of us are used to being pulled along by the current, from dawn til dusk and long after, kept awake by the buzz of televisions, iPhones, video games, etc. We do everything to distract ourselves from feeling any sort of discomfort whether it be physical, emotional or mental. I’ve often stepped in to teach a ‘Vinyasa’ class and directed students to stand, close their eyes and simply feel the effects of whatever pose asana, flow, etc. we just completed. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fidgeting. People are looking around the room, playing with their nails. . . . I’ve even seen people pick up their phones during this moment of rest. If you can’t sit still, close your eyes, look inside, and FEEL for 15 seconds, I’m telling you. There’s a problem.

Which is why, in my opinion many of these popular ‘Vinyasa’ are actually directing students further away from one of the main goals of yoga --- change. I don’t want to make a sweeping statement that all Vinyasa classes are this way. I’ve been to some wonderful ones that are very mindful. But many can be just as distracting as the buzz of the phone or the mind numbing frivolity of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (Although, I will admit, I’ve succumbed to more than one episode of mind numbing.)

Don’t get me wrong . . . there are definitely circumstances when what feels good and easy is SO right. A massage. A good pedicure. A restorative yoga class. Sun on your face. A margarita. (That is purely circumstantial actually, but often times, it's both so good and so right! ) But as we well know, often times, we slip into what feels good because it’s easier than facing what may be a huge challenge and bring us to a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE place.

Anything worth attaining, whether it be a tight tush or spiritual enlightenment, requires change. And change is again, typically, not comfortable. In fact, it may involve a whole lot of heat. But, as alchemy teaches, what’s on the other side of that heat could be liquid gold.

For years I’ve feared asking for what I want or speaking up for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or offending someone. Never is this more true than when I am receiving a haircut, massage, mani/pedi, etc. Too many times I’ve left a massage feeling like I needed a massage. Or silently nodding left speechless with wide eyes when asked “Do you like it?”, walking out of a salon looking like Dorothy Hamil.
Lately, there’s been a shift. I’d like to think it’s a result of a more dedicated yoga and meditation practice over the past year that has helped me cultivate more confidence and a stronger sense of self. I don’t seem to take things so personally, and conversely, I speak my mind when I have something to say. This may not seem like a huge deal. Many people have NO PROBLEM speaking their mind. But I’d venture to bet there are quite a few of us, even as mature adults, who do. We don’t want to rock the boat. We want people to like us. We fear we’ll be considered ‘bitches’. And our fears override our desire to leave with a fantastic haircut.
Recently, my brother sent me an email criticizing a comment I had made on Twitter. Five years ago (hell, who am I kidding? ONE year ago, probably) his words would have sent me reeling, old hurts rearing their ugly head. The 10-year old scolded little sister would assert herself and the tears would flow. And his words would have echoed in my head for days if not weeks. While I initially felt a slight sting, I closed my eyes for a moment, then re-opened them to read the email with clear eyes as opposed to the eyes of that “little sister.” And I understand why he sent it. It had nothing to do with me. I responded, but didn’t react, asserting my position. The only apology I made was for the way it made him feel.
The other day, I popped into an unknown nail salon for a manicure. When the gentleman began to hack away at my cuticles, I politely asked him to not cut so much. But he continued to trim them to a point I considered excessive. So I repeated my request. As you ladies may know, sometimes meaning gets lost in translation at nail salons. (I’m glad they don’t speak to each other in English. No doubt their comments would ensure I’d never go back.) Three time’s a charm apparently, and another nail technician replaced him. And I was fine with that. I’m sure he was a very nice man. But I left there with my nails perfectly painted and just as I wanted them.
Again, this may not seem like a huge milestone. But for me, it was a hurdle I haven’t been able to clear. Normally, I would have left the place with bloody cuticles.
And, feeling the effects of one too many hair whips in dance class, I decided to go to one of the Thai massage joints that litter Ventura Boulevard. Normally, I am very particular about who I go to for body treatments, however, I needed relief, stat. And I knew some of these Thai ladies are no joke. Unfortunately, my therapist was not one of them. For 15 minutes, I was more uncomfortable then when I first lay down. I played it out in my head . . . “Give her another 10 minutes. Maybe she’s just warming up. It could get better.” And “I can’t say anything, I’m already 15 minutes in.” Then I realized - if I go through with the massage, I can’t refuse to pay for dissatisfaction if I didn’t speak up. And then I’d be pissed for throwing money down the drain, feeling no relief and more agitated than when I arrived. At that instant, I stopped her and politely said, “I’m sorry. I think I need someone stronger.”
And in came Nami. Hallelujah. This woman squeezed and kneaded every part of my body that screamed for relief. I could relax and enjoy. I left feeling happily exhausted and appropriately beaten.
Mind you, speaking my mind still doesn’t come easily. I often have to stop myself and ask if by failing to express what I’m thinking, what or who am I really saving? Someone’s feelings? My happiness? My truth? But by taking pause, and asking myself these questions, no matter what the answer, I find I’m more authentic in every moment.

Good Thai massage? $50. Speaking my mind? Priceless.

While the calendar says Fall is here, temperatures are still up to 80* here in the Big Apple and I still see people walking around with their mid afternoon pick me ups. As you have probably heard, such frothy tasty concoctions such as the grande mocha caramel whipped frappe something-or-other may as well be a fifth meal. And not a nutritious one. I especially love when the person ordering one of those says something like ‘Umm . . . hold chocolate shavings please.” Really? As if that’s going to salvage this drink from caffeine sugar bomb hell. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you’re basically injecting an IV of sugar into your bloodstream. Why do you think it tastes so darn good?
Not to mention, if you saved up all the $$$ you spent on those drinks per year, you’d be looking at a fine pair of Louboutins. Or maybe a plane ticket to Mexico. Lying in the sun. And be able to save those calories for something that’s really worth it. Like a friggin pina colada.
Trust me, I love my coffee treats as much as the next person. (Most who know me are well aware my family is in the coffee business. There was coffee in my bottle before there was milk.) However, there are ways to slim down your favorite java drink, and your wallet at the same time.
Here are two of my favorite recipes that you can easily make at home or in your office.

You’ll need to buy a shot or two of decaf espresso (try it. even decaf will provide a little pick me up) Or, if you must have the crack, try cutting it in ½ and order one regular and one decaf shot. Yes, you’ll be that pain in the ass person in line but join the club. I’m president. It keeps me healthy and that’s more important than worrying that I’m annoying the teenager behind the counter or the suit behind me. You know what annoys me? The idiot standing outside the coffee shop blowing toxic smoke in my face, but I can’t do anything about that can I? I rather be the annoying person ordering the ½ caf or getting quizzical looks from people when I order decaf espresso as if to say “Why bother?” than be that annoying person killing themselves and others with toxic waste.

Better yet, if your office has one of those fancy Nespresso espresso makers, use theirs. Really stick it to the man. Again, saves $ and time. Time which could be well spent sitting outside or online shopping.

So now you have your coffee. Step 2. You’ll need to keep your own milk in the refrigerator if you work from an office. And here’s where you can really cut down on the sugar. Most coffee joints will use the sweetened version of non dairy milk like vanilla soy or add their version of McDonald’s special sauce: liquid sugar. I keep unsweetened almond milk in my fridge at all times.

For a creamy Iced Vanilla Latte simply use Vanilla Unsweetened Almond Milk (or soy if you’re a fan, although I would encourage the former), a couple drops of Vanilla Liquid Stevia (my favorite is the NuNaturals brand as it is the purest form of stevia and they don't add any alcohol. they also have an abundance of other flavors! mint anyone?) and my secret weapon, a drop of quality vanilla extract. Pour over ice with your espresso, shake it up to get it nice and frothy and voila! Creamy Vanilla treat. You can do the same with different flavored extracts. (Try hazelnut, mint, or even caramel!) The sweetness will come from the stevia (you can also try the plain) and since it’s liquid you don’t have to bother with trying to get that annoying powder to dissolve. It’s a little more expensive than the blue, pink and yellow packets, but my health (and yours gosh darnit!) is worth it. And a little of the liquid goes a LOOOOONG way.

Now if you are really jonesing for that frothy blended whipped up concoction click here to try my Cold Cocoa recipe. If you want to add coffee, try using decaf again, but add some raw cacao nibs which will provide a nice pick me up.

I understand part of the deal with these drinks is the ‘experience of the coffee bar.’ So here’s what to do. Buy yourself one of those cool to go tumblers and make your cheaper, healthier drink in the office. Then go and sit wherever the heck you like. If it’s the ‘getting out of the office’ idea, sit in a park, on a bench, or take a walk with your new favorite coffee beverage. You'll be exercising your right to not fork over your entire paycheck to the 'Evil Empire' as well as your body. 

so often you hear me talk about how to be kind to yourself. how to take care of yourself. treat yourself. be a good friend to you. mostly because it's something i don't often do and telling you so reminds me to practice what i preach. however, every once and a while, a true friend will give you a swift kick in the ass when you need it. a jump start. a tough love talk. and it's about time i be that kind of friend to myself.
admittedly, i've been, mentally, hard on myself lately. my body is just NOT where it was a year ago and i'm kind of at a loss. i hate that i'm so caught up on it, but i am. there. it's out there. i am trying to get older with grace and acceptance. (WHAT?!??!!! you mean i'm NOT 30 anymore? since WHEN?!?!? Hmph.) but as you have heard me talk about so many times, it's my achilles heel. more often than not, i get caught up in the physical. and quite frankly i'm sick of it. the way i see it, i have two options. one, learn to let it go and see the truth of my beauty and love beyond this body. luckily through yoga, mediation and all i'm learning with my teacher, it really IS becoming clearer that i am so much more than my physical body. thank goodness. but this takes time. and i am definitely more of an 'i want it now' kind of woman. so i've resorted to the things i can affect immediately. discipline myself. i used to be so good at this. too good. then i realized i was definitely too hard on myself, so i eased up.
between you and me, i now feel like a slacker. i've been unmotivated to do much and there is SO much i COULD be doing. my business could/should be thriving. i've been wanting to do more online videos, etc. but you know what's been stopping me? i don't feel like i LOOK good enough to be on camera right now. i'm trying to call myself out on this bullshit. i'm strong. i'm fit. i'm HUMAN for crying out loud, and i'm NOT nor will i ever be Giselle. but it is this constant hang up that holds me back. and i can't wait any longer to get over this crap. again, i will eventually, but it's taking too long. on to option 2: DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
so when i say i'm going to clean up my eating and try to get down to the heart of this continuous 'bloat' i seem to be wearing, then having some of Magnolia's famous banana pudding before i hit the cardio machines doesn't cut it. i don't care if it was just two bites. (by the way if you've never had it, it truly is life changing. definitely makes my 'last meal' list. and i don't even really like banana pudding) have some will power girl!!!! because every little 'indiscretion' sets me back to square one. and that will continue to happen until nothing happens. zip. zilch. i've said this before too (or something like it) : change is effort. and of course my favorite, the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. yes, i have changed a lot in the past year to help me move in the direction i want. but it's not enough anymore. i need to put a little more UMPH behind it. i let go of my disbelief that i have to do cardio for thirty minutes today and i let my friend and A list trainer, Jeff Halevy, create a workout for me. did i bitch about it? absolutely. i have to admit . . . i even GRUNTED. and i HATE when dudes do that in the gym. he had me on a circuit for 40 minutes. i'm sure he chuckled as i spat out curses his way. i did things i normally never touch . . . kettle bells (still don't love em), push ups (blech), and ropes (just never had the space). but can i tell you how GREAT i feel now? how accomplished? with Jeff's help, i pushed myself out of my comfort zone. and while the workout was great, really, THAT is what it's all about. i came home, and me, the procrastinator of all blogging, sat down and spat this out. i got shit done that i've been postponing for weeks/days/probably months. in addition, i felt my voice more powerful. i emailed a guy i've been seeing and told him exactly what was on my mind instead of trying to be nice and skirt around the issue. one workout and i'm a new person! i had a nice clean post workout smoothie. (plus 3 small squares of dark chocolate! i deserve it. see, i haven't totally gone off the deep end.) and i'm determined to keep mixing things up. and surprising myself. that, along with a healthy dose of (kind) discipline and i believe things will start changing around here. goodbye same old same old. hello shiny new happy, gosh darnit. if the kettlebells don't kill me first.

You all know the saying. Usually associated with the power to overcome any obstacle and difficulty with force and strength. However, I have come to understand a completely different application of this often used phrase.
Over Memorial Day weekend I sustained a traumatic knee injury that left me, for the most part, immobile. I clearly recall the “POP” sound as I led a bootcamp class in Darien, CT at Equinox. More clearly than the sudden sound, I recall my subsequent thought. It went something like this: “Oh Shit.” I knew it was more than just a moment of temporary discomfort and something was wrong. As in, I was going to need surgery wrong. Although I prayed that an ice pack or two would magically restore my knee to good as new and had visions of walking and skipping along soon, I knew in my heart I was in for a long road of recovery. However, my ‘finish what you started at all costs” and tough, “I can handle anything” girl/athlete emerged as I continued to teach and finish out the class. Foolish? Perhaps. But it was a way to ignore not so much the physical hurt, but the emotional hurt. The sadness and frustration I knew would set in all too soon.
Yet, I had things to do, places to be and work to accomplish. I couldn’t let this ‘small injury’ completely sideline me. When I returned to the city later that day, ice pack strapped to my knee, I hobbled through Grand Central to continue home. What would typically be a 5-7 minute walk, turned into a 20 minute adventure. Push through, I told myself. In the words of a famous shoe company, “Just Do It.” It’s not that bad.  
That evening I kept moving, packing my suitcase for a flight out to LA the next morning. While I normally love to travel back to LA, this was one trip that did not excite me. I couldn’t believe I would have to gather not only my physical stuff, but once again, my mental stuff to push on. But push on I did. I just had to get through.
I continued to do a lot of ‘pushing on’ that week, making sure I got the medical attention I needed and completed what I set out to do with discomfort. I cut my trip short to return to NYC and again, do what needed to be done. For over a week, I’ve been hobbling around, making doctor’s appointments and jumping through all the necessary hoops to get this thing “taken care of”.
The whole incident brings to mind a small phrase I’ve heard my teacher Rod Stryker say during one of our meditations. I’ve had it memorized for about a month now “ . . . the indomitable will to do and to become . . .” The knowledge that I have the power to change whatever circumstance I’m in or whatever struggle I encounter is a huge motivator. However, now I had to use my indomitable will to actually DO LESS. I would now need to use my will and drive in a different way than what was normal for me. I would have to literally WILL myself to ask for help.
And ask I did. Checking my ego along with my bag, I requested a wheel chair at the airport. I felt like my grandmother, bag on my lap, leg propped up on one of those thing-a-ma-giggys that pops out from underneath the chair. (Is there a technical term for that? Footrest maybe?) By the way, if you are late to your flight and need to get to your gate ASAP, do a little hopping around and tell ‘em you need a wheelchair! You’ll fly on through! Of course, you’ll have to weigh the pros (the speed with which you’ll get through security) against the cons (a bruised ego), but that’s your call. I much rather sprint to my gate. Great cardio and no one looks at you funny, which made me truly uncomfortable. I could FEEL peoples’ stares of pity and empathy. Why that makes me uncomfortable is a topic for another blog all together.
I’ve asked my dear friend Joe Somodi to help me after my surgery (FINALLY scheduled for tomorrow!) to pick me up at the hospital and help care for me over the weekend. It made me so uncomfortable, but, God bless him, he graciously agreed without making it seem I was putting him out or that it would be a huge inconvenience (which I’m sure it is.)
These are just two of the many examples where I’ve piped up for assistance. However, SEVERAL friends, and even strangers, have just ‘shown up’. To Sheri, Karen, Sohpia, Bart and the entire crew at Dragonfly Productions, and those whose names I don’t even know – I can’t express enough gratitude. I am touched by your kindness and care. While I’m at it, to those who have expressed empathy and just sent thoughts, well wishes and love, thank you. I have felt every one of them.
But still, my “indomitable will to do and to become” drives me to get better and heal. Not willing to be completely sidelined, I’ve been finding ways to continue to move my body. (As I mentioned to some friends in an email, I would not be undermined by no stinking knee!) I've begun swimming, dragging my left leg behind me and now wondering why it took a traumatic injury to get me in the water again. I am a Pisces after all. It feels natural. It kicks my ass, but feels natural nonetheless! I am exhausted after a ½ hour in the pool and feel as if I could eat a cow on the days I swim (and often do). And I don’t ache at all after a water workout. It's a win-win.
I’ve also found a way to “squeeze in” some more of my yoga practice during my swim sessions. You see, I am a breathe every three strokes kind of gal. The rhythm and staring at the same line below you at the bottom of the pool can be very meditative. Much like meditation, you become aware of and begin to 'hear' all the chatter in the mind. In an effort to silence the chatter, I began adding in a mantra practice, silently reciting a piece of a mantra every time I exhale under water. I come out of the pool virtually levitating!
I’m still doing my asana practice, albeit, VERY VERY modified. But I can manage certain postures. The attention necessary to not do more harm to my body draws me inward even more than usual and I find it a perfect preparation for my morning meditations. On that note, I’ve also put more time into my meditation practice ensuring it is the one thing that continues. I can’t use the excuse that I’m unable to sit cross-legged. I prop my body up against the wall in bed, place a pillow under my legs and again, realize what it means to be truly comfortable and undistracted by physical discomfort during meditation. I need to help myself more often. And the benefits of my practice have become very evident. While the past two weeks and change have been a nuisance and not the most comfortable of my life, I am still able to find peace and ease amidst the turmoil of my body and my thoughts. Sure, I’ve succumbed to breakdowns on more than one occasion (most recently yesterday at the hospital upon being shuffled from doctor to doctor, unbearable waits, and exaggerated prognoses), but I release, and move on. I don’t feel as stuck and I renew my resolve once again.
I actually relate my injury to pregnancy. While admittedly I have never been pregnant, enough of my friends have, and I’ve heard enough stories where women use pregnancy as an excuse to succumb to every craving, eat whatever they want and let their healthy habits go awry. Yes, it would be easy to sit on my couch, cry and watch back to back episodes of The Bachelorette drowning myself in others’ miseries and drama. (Although, I will fess up to watching this show for the sheer comedy of it all!) This was not an option for me. I am grateful to possess “the indomitable will to do and to become”. Whether that is the will to still move, or the will to graciously accept help, receive and be kind to myself.
I’ve realized that I am not superwoman. Even I am susceptible to injury. I may need help from time to time. I may need to put the brakes on. Or I may need to find another way. What has become absolutely clear to me is that all of these take a certain amount of will, in one direction or another. It is the will to become something different than I am.

I recently got REALLY fired up about a post a colleague, friend, and trainer I respect very much, Dale Dymkoski, posted on his blog this week regarding yoga. I tried to write my 'comment' on his page, but because it was so long, it didn't fit. I had lots to say and carefully thought out my retort. To get the full picture, please read Dale's blog and then read below for what I have to say about it. 

I'd like to respectfully, offer a contradictory view, as I have to disagree. This article demonstrates a lack of understanding of what the discipline of yoga is truly about and how to practice it properly. Unfortunately today, many instructors are not teaching as they should or offering proper cuing to ensure students engage their muscles and foster strength in the body. Yoga is not all about being Gumby and forcing yourself into pretzel like positions. Yes, practicing yoga properly may emphasize the elongation of the muscle. But to equate that with ‘loose = weak’ muscles, as you do, is a fallacy. If properly taught, a student can discover both strength and flexibility in any pose. I ALWAYS discuss the concept of ‘strong stretching’ in my classes, whether it’s yoga or sculpting.

I agree that there are many poses most people should NOT be attempting. However, in this case, it's the opposite of the traditional saying, "Don't shoot the messenger". It is ABSOLUTELY a yoga instructor's responsibility to assess every student’s ability, and teach proper alignment and how to build a safe and STRONG practice. I cringe when I see instructors leading poses that, as you mentioned, are unsafe for a 99.5% of their students. Typically, there is a lack of understanding on the student's part of how to effectively practice not only advanced, but even the most basic of poses, which most certainly, can lead to injury and pain.
And again, it is the instructor’s duty to guide a student to more difficult asanas to ensure the student is moving into them safely and effectively, balancing the fine line between ‘discomfort’ and ‘pain’, just as it is the student’s responsibility to heed their own body’s communication.

What causes injury and pain is the practitioner NOT the practice. (As a note, I myself have experienced much relief from joint aches and muscle tears by practicing yoga.) Both the instructor and the student must share equal responsibility for a safe and effective yoga practice. Students should understand the true meaning of yoga and recognize it as a process. Teachers bear the burden of effectively communicating that message and fostering the proper environment in which the practitioner is safe to progress at their own pace and level of understanding.
One must move MINDFULLY in yoga. A practitioner CAN NOT check out and just soar through the class. That is the greatest challenge. To find the mind body connection. We as instructors, trainers and guides, give a lot of lip service to that philosophy, but rarely do we foster it or encourage it. And that’s a shame.

Addressing your point of 'functionality'. No, placing your foot behind your head is not, at first glance, particularly ‘functional’. But just like many exercises, more advanced yoga poses (or asanas) offer a challenge that can be beneficial to the body as well as the mind, similar to any advanced level of physical training. Learning how to use the breath to calm the body and the mind under situations of slight duress is EXTREMELY beneficial in the real world. There is no better preparation for everyday challenges than the yoga mat. If you can manage to stay calm when your hand is under your leg which is over your head in a room that’s 75*, you can certainly handle the stress of bumper to bumper on the 405. I don’t know anything more practical than that.

Unfortunately, our fitness culture, with it's result oriented focus, promoting that harder, faster and MORE is always better, has bastardized what yoga is meant to be. We have lost the joy of the process of getting from A to B, fostering the concept of what many in the yoga community like to call “gym yoga”. After three classes, students are expecting to do handstands and place their legs around their necks. It’s like asking someone who just began jogging to run a marathon tomorrow.

I also strongly feel we would all be better served to adopt a more holistic approach to training and fitness. I for one am so exhausted by the mindset that we only workout for a tight ass and great muscle tone. Exercise should be a complement to life, not another thing to do on our task list. It should enhance what we do and be a source of joy, not struggle.

I am not dismissing cross training or varying one’s fitness routine. I think it is EXTREMELY important, as you mentioned, for a healthy, well rounded approach to exercise. More importantly, including various disciplines into your fitness routine prevents boredom, which can lead to a lifetime practice of health and wellness as opposed to something we do to lose ten pounds.
However, your take on yoga is misguided. Yoga is not a means to a tight ass or extraordinary abs, although, when practiced properly, those ends can certainly be achieved. I agree with you 100% that balance is key. But you will find no better way to achieve a connection between the mind body and spirit than from the timeless and always evolving discipline of yoga.

Welcome to my new blog topic, Me, Not So Pretty. For the unforeseeable future, this blog will chronicle my obsession, healthy and frequently, not so healthy, with food, nutrition, and yes, my body. Often you hear me preach about loving your body the way it is and being in awe of what it does, no matter the shape size, blah blah blah. Well guess what? It's time to practice more of what I preach. I know this is ultimately the way to go, but it's hard to "love my body" when, quite frankly, my ass is chafing from jeans that were not so tight a month ago and I take them off only to find the side seems and waist band have made permanent indentations in my hips. More often than not, I am as self conscious and filled with insecurity as anyone else. 
I recently realized how much time, energy and brain power is sucked by contemplating what I'm going to eat, where, how, when, why, etc. Lately, I've felt like a contestant on the Biggest Loser, without the goal of losing weight. Which really makes it no fun. I get no cash and prizes at the end. It seems I try to reign in the one thing I have complete control over and am knowledgeable, and passionate about (that would be FOOD), when other areas of my life feel a little OUT of control, which they have lately. (Hmmm, does that smell something like an eating disorder? Nahhhhh . . . )
I've hid behind the precept that this is a 'healthy' obsession. "I'm using it to learn more and in turn, help others." Bullshit. Lately, it's been prohibitive, limiting my creativity, joy and potential for some really good times! Ok, yes, at times it definitely DOES help others.
So in an attempt to get out of my head, I've decided to tell you all about what goes through it. And while it my be cathartic for me, you may find yourself saying, "That's nice. But what the heck will I get out of this?"Well, it is my hopes you will find it somewhat comforting to know you are not alone in your own mad thoughts. You may even chuckle once or twice at how incredibly ridiculous my behavior can be. At the very least you'll get some great recipes and restaurant reviews, as my stories take me from my kitchen to dining around the town and the country when I travel place to place (oh, you'll really like those . . . traveling presents a whole other set of issues . . . )
It will be authentically me: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It will be me . . . . NOT So Pretty.

I am excited to announce my very first OPTIMAL HEALTH AND HEALING retreat will take place in Costa Rica in from August 15th - 22nd in Costa Rica at the beautiful Pura Vida Spa!  Make sure you check out the website above to get all the details. 

While I am thrilled to finally host my very own retreat in one of the most beautiful locations in the country, I must admit, such an undertaking can be a little nerve wrecking.  Getting caught up in the 'what if's?' "What if flights don't go smoothly?" "What if no one signs up?" And the biggest 'What If?' of all:  "What if I fail?" The preparation for something like this is daunting. Almost to the point where I've considered running the other way. 

But then the famous quote "Feel the fear and do it anyway" keeps coming back to me. I had to commit to this. Commit to the dates and moving forward with the planning or else I would always look back and regret I never did something I've always dreamed about. And it's scary. But now that I've written a blog about it and listed it on the website, it's official. I can't back down now, can I?

So check out the details of the retreat and join myself and Dr. Derek Abbassi for a week of sun, fun, relaxation, adventure, fitness, healing and total health.  At the very least, we'll all have a great vacation and hopefully you'll go home happy you came!