Everything listed under: yoga

A dear friend and fellow yogi, Ben McLellan recently posted this comment on his Facebook page: This is astonishing to me.....we will take a drug that may cause internal bleeding, stroke, heart attack, and possibly death to sleep better. We won't practice yoga, chi gong, or tai chi because we don't have time, it's too expensive, or it's weird. Dumb is an understatement.
I share these sentiments and have become increasingly frustrated with the excuses people give that prevent them from embarking on a routine that will lead to greater health, healing and ultimately, happiness. Despite my sincerest efforts to be patient and accept that everyone is on their own unique path, so often I have the desire to call out “Bullshit!” in the middle of a sentence. Not exactly polite, I know.  
I think what pisses me off most is the lack of personal responsibility. (I'm obviously pretty fired up on this topic lately. Just ask some of my poor friends who have to listen to me.) If I had a quarter for the number of times I have heard the words “CAN’T” and “DON’T”, I wouldn't be writing my own blogs anymore (Just kidding! I'll always write my own stuff. Promise. )
“I CAN’T meditate. I CAN’T turn off my brain”. To which I’ll retort, “Who the fuck can?”
Or “I DON’T have the time.” Oh please. I know how much time I spend on Facebook. And I still manage to do a meditation practice.
Or my favorite “I CAN’T do yoga. I’m not flexible.”
AGHHHHH. Please. Just. Stop.
Be honest. With me. With yourself. We all have nothing but time. It’s up to you how you spend it. And where you spend it. I am FINE if you don’t WANT to do yoga, Tai Chi, meditate, lift weights or eat broccoli. That is your prerogative.
ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, it is challenging to make these practices a habit. They require more effort, more work and more discipline. However, they also ultimately make you a healthier, happier, more productive, balanced and evolved human being. Ask the thousands of people who do such things. But please, stop with the excuses. You have choices. Take responsibility for those you continue to make, and realize you’re life is what it is today because of them. As Jean Paul Sarte so simply states: “You are your choices.”
Choose wisely. And stop telling me you ‘can’t’.

For a list of some of the most hysterical excuses some of my trainer friends have gotten, please read this. If you recognize yourself, you’ve been publically outed! http://espn.go.com/espnw/athletes-life/9104429/espnwtrainers-share-worst-excuses-national-athletic-training-month

While I haven’t taken many yoga classes in the past year, preferring to stay at home to cultivate a personal practice, I recently have returned to the group setting in my new hometown to get to know the community. Classes are the first place I’ll go to meet like-minded people when I land on unfamiliar territory. But it reminds me of why I often stay home.
The routine is the same. I begin by checking out some studios online and then look for instructors I think I may enjoy based on class descriptions and bios. Words such as ‘uplifting’, ‘intelligent flow,’ and ‘leaving students feeling centered and blissful’ often make their way into the picture. ‘All levels welcome’ is one I tend to see a lot as well.
However, what I typically experience is a rote reproduction of a vinyasa class with too many chattarangas for my taste and no clear purpose or aim. It seems like the latest generation of teachers are all reading from the same script. Yes, some have different jokes and others are slightly more entertaining, but rarely have I experienced a true ‘sattvic’ state at the end of the journey. Light. Clear. Steady and balanced.
The intention of this blog is not to blast every teacher I’ve come across nor to criticize every class I’ve taken. Because truth of the matter is there are a lot of good teachers out there.
However, it does seem like we are pumping out yoga teachers like BigMacs. It seems to have become the ‘job du jour’ as more and more people begin to dip their toes in the waters of yoga, creating an ocean of demand. Get laid off? Become a yoga teacher. Looking to balance your 9-5 job? Start teaching yoga on the side. Bored? Eh, may as well sign up for a 200 hour RYT.
And just like fast food, quality declines as mass production increases.
I’m all for learning the traditions, the ancient teachings, the intricate, detailed and sacred practices of an entire yoga system to help more people find joy and happiness in their lives. However, it seems like little more is being taught than where to put your foot in Warrior I and how to perform Ujjayi, if that. 
There are a couple of oft-repeated directions I hear to which I say “Huh?” Here are some my favorites.

1. “Lift your head/chin” or its stepsister “Look up”. I don’t have an issue with taking your gaze to the hands or in the ‘upward direction.’ However, most students interpret this into cranking their head back until their chin is in the vertical position, slightly resembling the unnatural range of motion of a Muppet. Unfortunately, this does not improve your backbend or get you any closer to divine spirit.
2. “Today we’re going to focus on ‘heart openers’”. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no amount of arching your back or pushing your ribcage out while scrunching your shoulders into your ears is going to help you feel ‘more love.’ Backbends, when practiced properly are wonderful to move energy in an upward direction, however, it is through thoughtful application of the breath that we begin to see shifts in our actual mind and emotional states. The best way to ‘open your heart’? Meditation and surrender. Take your practice off the mat and into your daily life. 
3. I’ve witnessed many teachers tell students their breath should sound like ‘Darth Vader’ or ‘be audible to your fellow yogis’. Ummmmm, no thank you. I for one don’t want to hear your Star Wars like breathing. From "Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings" “To regulate the breath during the practice of asanas, the technique of ujjayi breathing is important. In ujjayi breathing you constrict your vocal cords slightly as you breathe so that you can feel the air as it flows past. A slight hissing sound often results—the more you constrict your throat and force your breath, the louder the sound. Conversely, the more finely you control your breath, the softer the sound. The goal is not to create a lot of sound but rather less sound. With practice and greater control, you should be able to breathe slowly and very smoothly. Then the sound will diminish and you can direct your attention to a more subtle indicator: the internal sensation of your breath flowing. Krishnamacharya used to give the standard instruction, ‘Feel rubbing sensation in throat.’” (PS: Thanks for posting this Ben! A perfect quote to support my point.)
4. “Take a deep inhale in . . . and now SIIIIGGGHHHH out the mouth.” I’ll admit, this used to be me. I would love to make indescribable sounds during class and feel as if it was some huge release. Now, the symphonic collection of “ohhhhhhsssss” and “aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhs” drives me nuts. The concept of releasing all that energy seems counterintuitive to one of the primary goals of yoga, at least in the Tantric tradition: to contain and concentrate prana (energy) and direct it for a desired energetic effect. I understand the aim is to encourage students to release and ‘let go’, but there are so many other intelligent techniques a teacher can utilize to achieve this end. Let’s start using them.

Conversely, much of my frustration comes from what teachers AREN’T teaching in their classes. Here are just a few:

1. How to breathe. Yes, often instructors will speak of the importance of the breath at the onset of class but never revisit the concept as students gasp, grunt and “Aggghh” in their attempts to get their leg higher or their face to their knees.  I hate to repeat what's been said so many times, but without the breath, it's not yoga. It's a stretch class. 
2. Often, when I read teachers’ bios, everyone seems to have studied with world renowned teachers and highly respected gurus. Yet, why are they not teaching to what I assume they’ve learned . . . The subtle body, the energetic body? Why aren't we giving students the space and time to sit in stillness after asanas (and not just savasana) to tune into the presence and feeling of energy shifts? And consequently, the results that ensue from a very predetermined, directed sequence of asanas? How the poses influence not only our body, but our minds and emotions. If we continue to gloss over this just because our students want a hot body, we are doing them a great disservice.
3. What I’ve been experiencing lately is a lack of clear direction or aim in classes. I recently attended one where the instructor said, with genuine surprise, “Wow. It seems like this is turning into a backbend practice!” Needless to say I raise an eyebrow (or two since I am not that skilled in the unibrow lift) when there is a lack of clear purpose for a class. You are taking students on a journey. Know the destination.
4. Meditation. Lest we forget the ultimate destination of our practice. To prepare us for meditation. So that we may sit, comfortably, our spine a clear channel of energy. If our teachers are not bringing us to a place of more ease, freedom and joy in our day to day lives, it seems that our efforts are not nearly as effective as they can and should be.

I hear words my teacher has reiterated over and over on a daily basis: “If it’s not changing your life, it’s not yoga.” Yoga is a powerful tool. Let’s start treating it as such.

This blog was inspired by a student I had in class the other day who said to me, as I was adjusting her in a pose: “I do better with Vinyasa, not these long holds.” (I took the liberty to paraphrase a bit, but you get the idea.) That’s code for: I don’t like this because I’m not comfortable here. She opened Pandora’s box. The same sentiment seemed to be present itself EVERYWHERE. In my other classes, watching people on the subway, walking down the street. It was all around. How do we avoid discomfort? How can I get away with doing this exercise/job/LIFE with as little aches and uneasiness as possible?

I bore witness to this phenomenon again in my Barre Burn class later that evening. It was clear to me these ladies (Ahem gentlemen . . . if you ever go to the gym to meet women, you’re in the wrong class!) had gotten accustomed to going through the motions. Showing up, knowing what to expect and getting by with the least amount of effort possible. Clearly, there was discomfort (as signaled by the contorted facial expressions and piercing glances in my direction). Moving through movements slowly, activating your muscles rather than relying on momentum will do that to you. (Which, I will argue, is why the women in my earlier yoga class does much better with ‘Vinyasa’). I somewhat attribute this to the role of teachers more and more often not TEACHING but directing. But that’s a whole other blog.

It’s important here to make distinguish between pain and discomfort. Was I in pain when my teacher first took me in and out of chair pose what seemed like 50 times? No. I didn’t require an ambulance or paramedic. But you can bet your ass it was uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. I wanted to scream all sorts of expletives at him and shout “I hate you I hate you I hate you! Are you crazy!?!?” No. He wasn’t. I was simply going through something I had not experienced before. That would be fire. In my back, in my thighs, everywhere. I would later come to understand this sensation, this burning intense heat, as the fire of transformation. And it’s necessary for change. Whether you are looking to merely change your body or your looking to change your life. FIRE is necessary. It is the element of change. How do you change the inherent properties of matter? Water won’t do it. Neither will wind. Fire does. And I’m not referring to the comfy cozy heat you experience from a fireplace in the middle of winter with a cup of hot cocoa. Typically, I envision more of a devil (although I don't believe in the actual existence of one, just to be clear), too much Icy Hot down your pants, kind of heat.

Why do you think meditation is so difficult for people? Most of us are used to being pulled along by the current, from dawn til dusk and long after, kept awake by the buzz of televisions, iPhones, video games, etc. We do everything to distract ourselves from feeling any sort of discomfort whether it be physical, emotional or mental. I’ve often stepped in to teach a ‘Vinyasa’ class and directed students to stand, close their eyes and simply feel the effects of whatever pose asana, flow, etc. we just completed. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fidgeting. People are looking around the room, playing with their nails. . . . I’ve even seen people pick up their phones during this moment of rest. If you can’t sit still, close your eyes, look inside, and FEEL for 15 seconds, I’m telling you. There’s a problem.

Which is why, in my opinion many of these popular ‘Vinyasa’ are actually directing students further away from one of the main goals of yoga --- change. I don’t want to make a sweeping statement that all Vinyasa classes are this way. I’ve been to some wonderful ones that are very mindful. But many can be just as distracting as the buzz of the phone or the mind numbing frivolity of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (Although, I will admit, I’ve succumbed to more than one episode of mind numbing.)

Don’t get me wrong . . . there are definitely circumstances when what feels good and easy is SO right. A massage. A good pedicure. A restorative yoga class. Sun on your face. A margarita. (That is purely circumstantial actually, but often times, it's both so good and so right! ) But as we well know, often times, we slip into what feels good because it’s easier than facing what may be a huge challenge and bring us to a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE place.

Anything worth attaining, whether it be a tight tush or spiritual enlightenment, requires change. And change is again, typically, not comfortable. In fact, it may involve a whole lot of heat. But, as alchemy teaches, what’s on the other side of that heat could be liquid gold.

We’ve always had a somewhat tumultuous relationship, the backs of my legs and myself. While I am grateful they are there and still working, they’ve plagued me with pain, discomfort and imbalance for as long as I can remember. My first concrete memory of tears and injury is from high school, when I kicked too high with my left leg during an overzealous cheer for our varsity basketball team. (Go Comets!) Years of dance and tennis only exacerbated the issue and, being an active and invincible teenager, I didn't realized the damage I was doing would come back to haunt me. I had more energy than the Energizer bunny--- and that was before I was introduced to lattes.
I’ve always envied the dancers and yogis that could either get their leg up to their ear or place their face comfortably on their shins. And seemingly, without much effort. Their backs were perfectly straight, no rounding or crunching in the spine just to achieve the desired outcome. It wasn’t just the end result, it was the beauty with which they got there. I felt like a big elephant, prodding along, fighting for every centimeter.
The more my yoga practice has developed, the more I’ve been ok with looking less like a Cirque du Soleil performer. I was strong and graceful and found ease where others struggled. As I began to accept and love my body for what it could do, I began to more completely embrace the concept that every body is different and has encountered different challenges along the way. Which has also made me a more compassionate teacher. 
Yet something has always nagged at my consciousness. While I know that years of athletics and dance have contributed to accumulated scar tissue and adhesions in and around the insertion points of my hamstrings on both legs, something in me feels like these pains and limitations are a result of something much deeper. A deep seeded pattern. A tightly woven belief system buried in my physical body. Something I couldn’t see.
Something that seems to be coming to the surface.
It was a week ago. I was already having a trying day. To put it bluntly, I felt like crap, my body, disconnected. While my body was giving me all the signs to ‘take a break’ for some reason I was being drawn to a particular Vinyasa class with a teacher who I heard was a ‘must take’. I was hopeful this was exactly the thing that would make me feel better, at least for the evening until I could drift to sleep and put the whole day behind me.
Cut to about 15 minutes into the practice in the first variation of Parsvottanasana. For those of you unfamiliar with the pose, it can be a slow assassination on the hamstrings if they are weak or injured. A deep forward fold that requires not only flexibility in the hamstrings, but quite a bit of strength if you’re aiming to look like a Yoga Journal cover. I’m not. I just want to get through it without crying. As I mentioned above, however, I had come to terms with my limitations and accepted them, knowing most of my life I would use blocks to support myself in this pose. Wrong.
As we moved into the pose, my issues came screaming at me with an intense sort of fire.
The instructor was yelling his directives over and over and OVER again. So many I can’t even recall what he was saying. Or screaming, rather. It was like receiving in email message IN ALL CAPS!!!!
One instruction I do remember him SHOUTING was ‘BE HERE NOW!’ To which I replied, in my best LOUD internal voice, “Oh F YOU!!! I’m HERE!!!!”
And then came something much more revealing as the snot came dripping down, tears hot against my cheeks. It was the little 10 or 11 year old girl in me shouting back. “STOP IT!!! STOP YELLING AT ME! SHUT UP! STOP! STOP BERATING ME! I’M NOT A FUCKING CHILD ANYMORE!!! You can’t yell at me like this.” And there it was. Again and again this scolded child keeps rearing it’s ugly head, strangling me, even at 38. Even as I type this, the emotions are there. The anger.
I tried to build a fire right then and there to burn this child. The one that always feels she has something to prove. I tried to banish it with “You’re no longer welcome here.” And fight it off with encouraging words such as “I am so much stronger than you”. And while I know I was in some way destined to face Mr. Shouty Pants (seriously, this was the most aggressive teacher, maybe person, I have ever experienced) for a reason I also knew I had a choice, whereas the 10 year old in me didn’t. I could choose to walk away. To not listen to the constant yelling. So while I was grateful for this teacher who was pushing my buttons and my hamstrings, I also realized I could choose not to listen to him. Some people may enjoy an aggressive, stern disciplinarian like Mr. Shouty Pants. Not me. I’ve had enough of that and I’m done. SO done. I had that kind of stern discipline for the first 18 years of my life and it’s stuck with me ever since. While it served me well at certain points of my journey, our time is through. I need more love, more acceptance. More nuturing and kindness. And, in order to heal, I need to be receptive instead of pushing my way through things.
And although I wanted to slap him in the moment, I am extremely grateful to Mr. Shouty Pants for the learning opportunity. It brought to light the wounds, emotional and physical, that are still there. The darkness that still seems to be holding me back with insecurity and false beliefs. But now I see these demons so clearly for what they are. I am aware. And every single day it is my job to shed more light on them so hopefully, their shadows will no longer cover the light within. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll one day be able to touch my face to my shins.

Note: This was originally written last week, while I was still traveling in Nicaragua. While I've settled back home, I am keeping this in its original tense. 

After a month of traveling - with the exception of a whopping 48 hours in NYC - I'm read to go home. I usually never say that. I'm usually the one that wants to stay somewhere anywhere other than 'home' (now NYC) and continue traveling. Just the thought of NYC and the cold would, typically, be enough to make me shudder. I never want to go back to the craziness, throwing my already imbalanced 'Vata' more out of balance. But something is different this week. I'm itching to get back and settle down for a while. To stay in one place. A shift has occurred.

I'm ready to stop running around. And start living my life and creating it. That's hard to do when much of your time is spend moving around just getting from one destination to the other. 
Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, have new adventures, see new things and meet new people (See photo. Who wouldn't love this?!?). I don't think that will change and I can't begin to imagine my life without these experiences. This past month alone I have been blessed to begin new friendships that have already supported and filled me up in countless ways (shout out to my ParaYoga peeps and Kate and Bill!)

But this week, I've been embracing change. Which may seem contradictory to everything I've just proclaimed. But it's not. Because, now, I'd prefer to embark on change that is more internally directed than externally. Rather than looking to external circumstances to alter my situation and life, I now understand the true transformational power of changing what counts - ME. I feel I can best accomplish my goals, at least for now, by staying put. Building relationships, creating new habits, patterns, and a whole different life for myself.

Traveling takes time. Heck, I can spend half my day on a subway just getting from here to there in this city, not to mention the time it takes to get to JFK, fly to a foreign country, hop on a bus, get in a car and lord knows what else I've done to chase the 'perfect place'. All of this to and fro diminishes my ability to invest and dedicate my time to the change that really matters and will create the most impact. I have a life and a purpose I need to embrace. I don't want to postpone any longer.

I know there will be challenges ahead. I will have to stay put when I want to run. This will require dedication to grow, learn and expand . . . and to be uncomfortable. It will take effort and, most importantly, patience.
But I feel ready. Ready to let go of the old habits, patterns and, yes, even people that no longer support my purpose and new goals. I've been preparing myself to do that for a few months now, though. I've been surrounding myself with more like minded people who understand my work and will love me unconditionally. It feels good to know that I am attracting more of that in my life. And it makes me want to stay where I am to cultivate and nurture those relationships, habits and actions that will propel me onward to success and wisdom. 
Which for me, is a change. And like the old adage says, the only thing constant, is change. 

I recently got REALLY fired up about a post a colleague, friend, and trainer I respect very much, Dale Dymkoski, posted on his blog this week regarding yoga. I tried to write my 'comment' on his page, but because it was so long, it didn't fit. I had lots to say and carefully thought out my retort. To get the full picture, please read Dale's blog and then read below for what I have to say about it. 

I'd like to respectfully, offer a contradictory view, as I have to disagree. This article demonstrates a lack of understanding of what the discipline of yoga is truly about and how to practice it properly. Unfortunately today, many instructors are not teaching as they should or offering proper cuing to ensure students engage their muscles and foster strength in the body. Yoga is not all about being Gumby and forcing yourself into pretzel like positions. Yes, practicing yoga properly may emphasize the elongation of the muscle. But to equate that with ‘loose = weak’ muscles, as you do, is a fallacy. If properly taught, a student can discover both strength and flexibility in any pose. I ALWAYS discuss the concept of ‘strong stretching’ in my classes, whether it’s yoga or sculpting.

I agree that there are many poses most people should NOT be attempting. However, in this case, it's the opposite of the traditional saying, "Don't shoot the messenger". It is ABSOLUTELY a yoga instructor's responsibility to assess every student’s ability, and teach proper alignment and how to build a safe and STRONG practice. I cringe when I see instructors leading poses that, as you mentioned, are unsafe for a 99.5% of their students. Typically, there is a lack of understanding on the student's part of how to effectively practice not only advanced, but even the most basic of poses, which most certainly, can lead to injury and pain.
And again, it is the instructor’s duty to guide a student to more difficult asanas to ensure the student is moving into them safely and effectively, balancing the fine line between ‘discomfort’ and ‘pain’, just as it is the student’s responsibility to heed their own body’s communication.

What causes injury and pain is the practitioner NOT the practice. (As a note, I myself have experienced much relief from joint aches and muscle tears by practicing yoga.) Both the instructor and the student must share equal responsibility for a safe and effective yoga practice. Students should understand the true meaning of yoga and recognize it as a process. Teachers bear the burden of effectively communicating that message and fostering the proper environment in which the practitioner is safe to progress at their own pace and level of understanding.
One must move MINDFULLY in yoga. A practitioner CAN NOT check out and just soar through the class. That is the greatest challenge. To find the mind body connection. We as instructors, trainers and guides, give a lot of lip service to that philosophy, but rarely do we foster it or encourage it. And that’s a shame.

Addressing your point of 'functionality'. No, placing your foot behind your head is not, at first glance, particularly ‘functional’. But just like many exercises, more advanced yoga poses (or asanas) offer a challenge that can be beneficial to the body as well as the mind, similar to any advanced level of physical training. Learning how to use the breath to calm the body and the mind under situations of slight duress is EXTREMELY beneficial in the real world. There is no better preparation for everyday challenges than the yoga mat. If you can manage to stay calm when your hand is under your leg which is over your head in a room that’s 75*, you can certainly handle the stress of bumper to bumper on the 405. I don’t know anything more practical than that.

Unfortunately, our fitness culture, with it's result oriented focus, promoting that harder, faster and MORE is always better, has bastardized what yoga is meant to be. We have lost the joy of the process of getting from A to B, fostering the concept of what many in the yoga community like to call “gym yoga”. After three classes, students are expecting to do handstands and place their legs around their necks. It’s like asking someone who just began jogging to run a marathon tomorrow.

I also strongly feel we would all be better served to adopt a more holistic approach to training and fitness. I for one am so exhausted by the mindset that we only workout for a tight ass and great muscle tone. Exercise should be a complement to life, not another thing to do on our task list. It should enhance what we do and be a source of joy, not struggle.

I am not dismissing cross training or varying one’s fitness routine. I think it is EXTREMELY important, as you mentioned, for a healthy, well rounded approach to exercise. More importantly, including various disciplines into your fitness routine prevents boredom, which can lead to a lifetime practice of health and wellness as opposed to something we do to lose ten pounds.
However, your take on yoga is misguided. Yoga is not a means to a tight ass or extraordinary abs, although, when practiced properly, those ends can certainly be achieved. I agree with you 100% that balance is key. But you will find no better way to achieve a connection between the mind body and spirit than from the timeless and always evolving discipline of yoga.

It's one of those evenings I truly wish I did have a television. I spent all last week cleaning up my receipts from 2009, getting my numbers in order, and, at the same time, getting my apartment in order. I was ready to rock and roll come Friday afternoon to face my accountant. Prepped as could be. And then he got on a call that went late . . . and later . . . and later. No appointment for me. So we had to punt until tonight, Monday. And wow. Let's just say the government does NOT make it easy for an entrepreneur (ah-hem, ME) to set up a business. I just found out a WHOLE bunch of stuff I didn't really want to know and it completely overwhelmed me. I feel like I've taken two steps forward and eight steps back. Between that and an intense rolfing session today, all I want to do is collapse on the couch and veg out. In the absence of a television, I figured I'd make some tea, indulge in my favorite chocolate chip cookie (that would be Nana's No Wheat) write a blog and tell you all the news that's fit to print (and there is some that isn't!) from the weekend, including my favorite new sandwich and other recipes I've had fun with. So here we go . . . 
Friday, in preparation for the tax appointment that never happened, I was getting shit done. Organizing, filing, cleaning up. Had a lovely late morning visit with a good friend who stopped by (I love NYC for that reason. No one ever just 'stops by' in L.A.!) an appointment here at home and finally, once I learned of the unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on how you look at it. To me, it was just delaying the inevitable feeling of dread and depression that came this evening.) non-appointment, I was off to the gym to work on a new project. A little shopping for a new pair of sassy shorts I needed for a date that evening and I was feeling fine and ready for some wine! Or sake as the evening would have it. The special evening at Pure Food and Wine, my FAVORITE raw restaurant not only in the city but ANYWHERE, was meant to celebrate my supposed tax return. So much for that. So we drank to my date's (Let's call him JT. And no, while I wish it was the real JT, I'm not that good) bonus! And trust me, you need something to cover the bill at Pure. But it's worth the splurge. We scored a wonderful table in the outside patio area, perfect for a spring evening in the city. Magical actually. Or maybe it was just my White Light Tini, a fine combination of unfiltered sake, green tea, lemongrass and ginger. OH, how I love me some ginger. We started with the Organic Iceberg and Watercress Cobb Salad with Smokey Portabella crisps. HEAVEN! And the Nori Rolls. Once again, SCORE! So tasty. We moved on to the King Oyster Mushroom Scallops with Hijiki Seaweed Caviar (one of my faves) and the Sweet Pickled Tri Colored Beet Ravioli entree. THIS was pure food bliss. It was so amazing, so fresh and all raw. If I had someone preparing food like this for me every day, sure! I'd be all raw too. Not likely. Before I get on my soapbox on how f'd up it is that good, healthy, wholesome and nutrient dense food is inequitably more expensive than SHIT food that kills people, let me just conclude by saying we finished with the only reason to live. Pure's Mint Sundae. I don't care if you are raw, vegan, carnivore, omnivore, whatever! You'd swear you died and gone to heaven after just one sensual bite. (JT did!) It truly is an experience to be had. I apologize for the sub par photo. It should only provide incentive for you to go try it yourself. Thank goodness we ventured on after Pure to do . . . well what else do you do after a cocktail and a couple glasses of wine? DANCE! Somehow, JT and I stumbled upon this place called "Butter" (still not quite sure how we found this place...) which once downstairs, opened up to a club/lounge type venue. JT and I were in our own little world down there, dancing our silly asses off, albeit to a very random mix of tunes from the dj. Couldn't quite find one groove, but it was enough to keep us out until 1am. What is up with me and these late nights? Ugh. It has to stop. I need to buckle down and get to work. But there's plenty of time for that. Saturday found me with a client and then off to practice my own yoga sequence. By the time I retuned home I was famished. My plan was to head out to meet my girlfriend and new pimp, Lisa (she was the culprit of last weekend's debacle) and one of her friends later that evening (he'll remain anonymous unless it's time to introduce you to him . . . ) but I was beat. So why didn't I stay home and nap you ask? Because I'm obsessive, compulsive (yes, you heard it here first. and it won't be the last time) and felt I had to DO something. So after my new favorite sandwich (see recipe and photo below!), and some way too expensive but fabulously yummy raw Kale Chips (again, healthy=money. I can't seem to get away from this equation) I put on my Louboutins (ha, just kidding). My version of those would be my running shoes to brave the brutal wind that was blowing in the city and headed down 2nd Ave. to the Lower East Side to run some errands. Picked up some of the best beans ever for my morning lattes at Puerto Rico Importing Co. These guys aren't messing around. And it's the type of place I live for at prices that make conventional coffee sellers prices look like highway robbery. (which also makes you realize how OVER PRICED most beans are) You can't take photos and in true NYC style, they make the most out of their real estate cramping the space with wall to wall bins of freshly roasted coffee. They have a few locations here in the city and it's a must visit for any java lover. Despite the fact I popped a few dark chocolate covered espresso beans to add some pep in my step, I was still exhausted. I opted for the subway home and decided, by golly, my feet deserve a pedicure. A nice one. Yes, I'm the girl that keeps the same chipped and worn polish on her toes for two months. Whatever. I'm a dancer and my feet can't look pretty. It's a contradiction. But those toots were tired and deserved some TLC. Sixty bucks later, I walked out with pretty, smoothed, polished and somewhat relaxed feet and toes. Again, why does eating healthy and taking care of myself = BIG BUCKS?!? I vote for government subsidies of avocados, kale, onions, sweet potatoes, brown rice, tahini, hummus and PEDICURES. Only to squeeze them into heels for my evening appointment. Honestly all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch a flick. But in order to have the guy to cuddle and watch the flick with me, I must continue to endure dates and set ups and, yes, assholes. (That's a whole other story . . . I'll save it for the book. But what do you say when a supposed 'man' says to you "I guarantee my day was a lot worse than yours."? I was at a loss.) Ugh. I have a confession to make. I don't like getting ready. I am not one of those girls who lives for make up and getting dressed. I hate washing my hair. I dread doing my hair. I would stick it up in a ponytail every day of my life if I could. Make up, sometimes, I can handle. Tonight was not one of those times. Dread, dread, dread. Of course once I found something I felt slightly comfortable in and did all the requisite primping, I felt better and actually thought I looked quite nice. I got to the bar and ordered water. Wow, I was going to be a barrel of good times tonight. But I actually began to enjoy myself and after one glass of wine and many club soda and cranberry cocktails later. (the bartender thought I was crazy . . . I was sucking them down!) discovered I was hungry. The scent of bacon was wafting from behind the bar, and I'll tell you. I don't eat bacon but once in a blue moon. But damn, it smells good. I finally got some grub at another venue that was actually very cool called Schiller's. I was discovering a whole new world with this going out thing and enjoying it. Although a part of me longed for the days with my ex, not needing to do anything, go anywhere, get dressed up, drink beers, etc. Truth be told, a BIG part of me. Ok, back to the food. I am living proof you don't have to blow your eating habits just because you are out. Yes, it was 11pm, not the ideal time for dinner, but I knew I was going to bed no earlier than 1am and I was starved. Which was probably one of the reasons I was a little cranky. One deviled egg, 2 oysters and a KILLER artichoke salad later, I was feeling fine and had some pep in my step again. Plus, our bartender, John, was absolutely adorable and thoroughly entertaining. Good times. But time to go home and sleep. And sleep I did. Until 10:30am. Man, I needed that. I had still been battling the cold I caught from last weekend and I just needed to rest with no alarm, no agenda, no nothing to do. Couldn't really tell you what I did on a chilly, lazy Sunday (apparently nothing too good) but found myself at dance class in the afternoon (thank you James!) which always makes for a good day. I need to start going to different classes and dancing more. I forget how much, no matter what I eat, it FEEDS me more. Grocery trip to Whole Paycheck (Do you see the running theme in this blog?) and relaxing with another yummy sandwich (I'm addicted) and some "Breaking Dawn" (Hey, I don't have a television. It's the closest thing I get to trash.) and I was ready to call it a weekend. Done. And ready for Monday. And here I am, cursing the IRS and finished with the blog. Goodnight. Oh wait! Forgot my favorite sandwich! Pulls together some of my favorite foods EVER! And it really is so easy.

Hummus and Avocado Open Face Sandwich: 
1 slice whole grain bread (my new favorite is Hemp Seed Bread from French Meadow Bakery )
Generous slathering of hummus (I prefer my homemade hummus, but I'm a snob like that! Any fresh, store bought is fine. Remember, the less ingredients, the better!)
3 slices avocado
2-3 slices ripe juicy tomato of choice (heirlooms are coming around!)
Generous helping of fresh sprouts
Salt and pepper to taste

In case I really need me to tell you, here's what you do. Grab that piece of bread. Slather on that hummus. Place tomato slices on top, then avocado and top with the sprouts, sprinkling with pure sea salt and some pepper here and there in between. LOVE LOVE LOVE on your easy delicious 'sandwich'. If you're feeling crazy, grab another piece of bread, slather on some more hummus and top that sucker off for a true sandwich. 
Ugh, I forgot to give you the other recipes. (A new Tahini dressing and my homemade hummus recipe . . . ) But I'm tired. I'll post another blog just with those. G'night!

I wish I could say that I haven't had anything to write about the past few weeks which would explain the lag in blog space. But that is not the case. I've had plenty to write about. I've been cooking quite a bit, wanting to post a hot chocolate recipe, yearning to brag about what I like to consider my now famous Krispy Kale Chips, and talk about my trip home for the holidays from where I am definitely going to steal my father's Spinach and Cannellini Bean dish. (More on this to come) But the truth is, I've been sad. Just before the holidays, the BF and I decided to take a break, or as most people would say, simply, break up. My heart has felt heavy and I've also felt very lonely. Oddly enough, work is going great but it's difficult to get excited about anything when you all of a sudden stop sharing your life with someone you've spent the past nine months getting to know. Becoming close to. Opening up to. It took me a long time to allow myself to be open and vulnerable to this relationship and then POOF! Before I know it, it's gone. No more considering someone else when making travel plans or figuring out social arrangements. It was the holidays, and I was heart broken. No secret smiles across the dinner table when a family member says something crazy. No snuggling by the tree. No sharing all the insanity of being home with the person I love. All the romantic scarnarios I so looked forward to that seemed easily within my reach were gone in no time at all. I can feel the lump in my throat as I type this and small tears filling my eyes. 
So yes, I have been spending more time on my own, trying to get back to what I used to know as me. Cooking more. Filling up time and space. So I have plenty to share as far as recipes. However, the plain old truth is I haven't felt like sharing anything. 
But every day gets better and I get more and more used to being on my own again. I took a trip to the Greenmarket in Union Square this afternoon. After the rush of the holidays it was fairly mellow and I basked in a late afternoon glimpse of the sun. Followed by a trip to Trader Joe's, which is always a test of patience and determination to get through the lines, to stock up for the week on healthy, wholesome items like brown rice, spinach, light coconut milk, sweet potatoes, almond milk, etc. Plus a last minute purchase, the only carbonated sweet beverage I will buy (I refuse to call it 'soda'), 

REED'S EXTRA GINGER BREW.  This stuff is the real deal. Like they make in Jamaica, 'mon'. Imagine standing in a line wrapped all the way around the store for a half hour. You're bound to pull some items off the outer rim shelves that weren't on your list. 
Then off to a hot, sweaty, lovely and divine yoga class at NewYorkYoga. It was the first time I had been to this studio and I loved it. My friend and amazingly beautiful and talented teacher, Rachel Page was leading this class and I love her flow and sequencing. It always feels so right on my body. I came home to cook and enjoy an evening with a little Monday Night Football, a little chat with Mom, and this blog entry. I'm getting back to me. Slowly but surely. 
Here is what I made tonight, which I thought was lovely and simple. I 'cheated' and used a bag of pre-washed and pre-cut root vegetables consisting of parsnips, sweet potatoes and butternut squash that I picked up during my Trader Joe's visit. And I couldn't be happier about it. 

ROOT VEGETABLE ROAST:

Variety of root vegetables cut in cubes (Parsnips, Sweet Potato, Winter Squash, Rutabaga)
Brussel Sprouts (washed and halved)
4-5 Garlic Cloves 
Yellow or Red Onion
Olive Oil
Quality Sea Salt and Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375*. Place all vegetables in large mixing bowl and pour olive oil liberally over vegetables. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and stir and mix with hands (I've said this before . . . it makes an AMAZING salt scrub for your hands! Who needs a manicure?!?) Dump mixture into baking dish or casserole dish large enough so all are touching bottom of dish. Bake for 35-45 minutes, depending how thick your cuts are or how well done you like your vegetables. Serve warm. Excellent side dish for hearty winter meat dishes. But me? I just dumped them over a wild brown rice mix. To me it was heaven. Simple and beautiful.

All is quiet in the apartment. My phone doesn't ring as often and my messages are fewer. But I have many more recipes to post and blogs to write. This is the healthiest way I can think of to help myself and help others, too.  Thank you.

Something has been on my mind ever since I subbed a yoga class last week here in NYC.  I delivered what I thought was a pretty strong class. I am big on technique and proper alignment and to me, sometimes that is a greater challenge than jamming through a sequence of twists, turns and balances.  It was the second time I had filled in for this particular instructor so I saw many of the same people in class I saw a few days prior.  Many of the students enjoyed my class and let me know. It was very gratifying, as it had been a while since I had taught a yoga class. One of the 'regulars' kind of hung around after until everyone else had left the studio. He said thanks for class, followed by a "I just want to  let you know that this class is used to a more challenging workout. They are really advanced." I nodded and thanked him for the feedback and input.  I wish I could say that I didn't dismiss his comment or consider it trivial.  But I did. Especially given the fact that many of the students, him included, were not as advanced as I think they believed themselves to be. 

And then I realized that I was being somewhat hypocritical and how often I want, and often expect, things to be difficult. This has been a particular challenge of mine. To overcome this idea that nothing comes easy. That anything worth doing must be a struggle of some sort. As if the harder I work, the bigger the reward.  So I work and work and work. And wait for that big reward. And rewards do come, but often they are not directly correlated to the amount of effort I put in. And most often, the biggest rewards can not be measured. 

The worse part is that when something is going right and it's 'easy' so to speak, I question it.  Why?  Yes, life definitely presents us with challenges. There is no denying that. But to question the greatest gifts in life?  That's just crazy. And I do it. 

So, if you often find yourself thinking the same thing I present a challenge (!) to myself and to you: Work when you must, rise to the occasions that call you to action. However, know that often, it is more about the intention and mindfulness we direct toward any desire, task, or job that will truly dictate the outcome.  For whatever you want, whatever you desire, whatever you intend, the Universe will grant to you if you are open to it.  No struggle required.

I am excited to announce my very first OPTIMAL HEALTH AND HEALING retreat will take place in Costa Rica in from August 15th - 22nd in Costa Rica at the beautiful Pura Vida Spa!  Make sure you check out the website above to get all the details. 

While I am thrilled to finally host my very own retreat in one of the most beautiful locations in the country, I must admit, such an undertaking can be a little nerve wrecking.  Getting caught up in the 'what if's?' "What if flights don't go smoothly?" "What if no one signs up?" And the biggest 'What If?' of all:  "What if I fail?" The preparation for something like this is daunting. Almost to the point where I've considered running the other way. 

But then the famous quote "Feel the fear and do it anyway" keeps coming back to me. I had to commit to this. Commit to the dates and moving forward with the planning or else I would always look back and regret I never did something I've always dreamed about. And it's scary. But now that I've written a blog about it and listed it on the website, it's official. I can't back down now, can I?

So check out the details of the retreat and join myself and Dr. Derek Abbassi for a week of sun, fun, relaxation, adventure, fitness, healing and total health.  At the very least, we'll all have a great vacation and hopefully you'll go home happy you came!