The past month has found me frustrated, sad and uninspired. Things have been more difficult than usual to ‘deal with’ and I have been feeling particularly un-centered and misguided. I can not seem to connect to that ‘inner voice’ that tells me where to go, what to do and whether to turn right, left or just stay where I am. Not the most wonderful place to be when you feel you have big decisions in front of you.
I know that is a huge sign for me to stop, breathe more and meditate. I was doing that back in L.A. with some increased yoga classes (when I didn’t necessarily feel like it) but after a weekend at home with family (which often presents more challenges to overcome internally) and lacking my usual resources or finding them more difficult to access, I feel completely off course in only a few short days. And it’s not a good feeling.
This and sheer exhaustion led to mini-meltdowns in the middle of both Fort Lauderdale and Atlanta airports. While I am sure these tears helped to get me on supposedly ‘over-booked’ flights to get be back to L.A. quicker, their source was very real. And I have to remember, as uncomfortable as it was to go through, to not be able to stop the tears in front of hundreds of people, it was something that need to rise to the surface and release…. And release….. and release. And I know there will be more to come. And there will always be more to come. Because as much as I would love to constantly be the calm in the middle of the storm, I haven’t quite mastered that technique yet. But I will continue to try.
Until then, a good cry never hurt anyone.
Posted on
Tue, February 26, 2008
by Jennifer